Legal Guardians

Spike Dolomite
5 min readDec 19, 2020


After Mike Pence got his vaccine as a reward for not leading the covid task force for Trump resulting in over 321,000 deaths to date, he got to announce some really important news on behalf of the Trump administration. Drum roll……… “It is my honor, on behalf of the President of the United States, to announce that henceforth, the men and women of the United States Space Force will be known as guardians.”

Isn’t that great, Americans? Space Force has guardians now.

Republican Senator Ron Johnson, guardian of Republicans only power, blocked another $1,200 stimulus for suffering Americans right before Christmas because of…….drum roll…….wait for it…….the deficit. Here we go with the Republicans caring about the deficit. You’re jumping the gun here, Russian drummer boy. You’re supposed to start blaming the deficit on Democrats after Biden is actually president. He’s wasting millions of dollars on Benghazi.2 by holding Hunter Biden hearings as if he’s the guardian of Republican nonsense. It’s all legal. Nobody should have this much power.

Senator Rand Paul, libertarian guardian of entitled privileged white people only, is against any kind of relief and wants the economy reopened right now. Entitled privileged white people have things to do. They want to shop, shop, shop! Republicans are killing us.

“We’re living through an active genocide. I don’t see how else to describe this. I looked up the definition and can’t find a better term to describe what’s happened from child separation to forced sterilizations to the deliberate spread of COVID.” — Bree Newsome Bass

The first limited doses of the vaccine are supposed to go to frontline guardians, health care workers whose lives are at risk for coming into contact with covid patients and to the elderly trapped in nursing homes where the virus has been spreading like California wildfires yet the rich are getting it by their concierge doctors and Republicans in Congress are getting it even though they have killed people. They better face justice for this but unfortunately when they do, they’ll find a way to make mass murder legal.

“The ones who encouraged spread of the disease and blocked protection from its harm getting the vaccine first is like children’s fable level depravity. Real wicked sorcerer stuff.” — Rebecca Traister

Right wing media tycoon Rupert Murdoch got the vaccine even though he is anything but a guardian of the sick and old. His network has spread the virus by lying to its viewers about it every day. The day before he got his special treatment in the UK, Tucker Carlson started a lie about the safety of the vaccine on his very popular TV show. If he’s sued for killing people he’ll just say he’s an entertainer and not really a journalist and he’ll get away with it because they always do at Fix News. Claiming entertainment and not journalism is legal whenever they get into legal trouble. The fix is in and people are dying while Typhoon Merry Christmas Rupert Murdoch jumps to the front of the line to get vaccinated.

Americans are dying every 30 seconds from the Trump Plague. Minnesota State Senator Jerry Relph was one of them. He was a Republican who opposed mask mandates.

Los Angeles County is about to be the new epicenter. There are no ICU beds available. This is not due to a lack of leadership. The spread is due to apathy, restlessness and selfishness. Angelelos were serious about staying home in the spring. LA was a ghost town and the covid numbers stayed low. Now some people have let the worst of their human nature get the best of them and have blown off being the guardians for their families and neighbors because they’re sick of staying home so now they’re getting sick and dying. All anybody should want for Christmas this year is to stay alive, but NOPE. Americans always want MORE. Live and let live is never enough in America. They want more.

Trump says he’s going to give out pardons for Christmas.

“What do you give your kids when you’ve already given them everything? Presidential pardons.” — Congressman Jamie Raskin

Georgia’s Republican governor Brian Kemp had a great time with his daughter Lucy taking selfies at the White House last night as a guest of one of Trump’s End Days holiday maskless balls. How he got invited is a mystery since Trump blames him for Loeffler and Perdue not winning and is pissed at him for not overturning the election results in his favor. Take home party favors were a baggy full of covid. Those selfies not only pissed off selfless people who are foregoing going to holiday parties to keep themselves and others safe as guardians of the health of themselves, their family and greater community, but MAGAs are pissed too. They see his attendance as hypocritical since the government shut down businesses and then government workers are partying it up on the tax payer’s dime. They also believe he rigged the election in favor if Biden and can’t believe that he’d actually show up at Trump’s party. They’re also incensed that he would be invited at all given that he refused to be Trump’s guardian by investigating election fraud.

Congress has until tomorrow night to avert a shutdown of the federal government. No covid relief yet because………drum roll……the Republicans. Congress could have done something months ago if it weren’t for them. Far fewer people would be homeless and hungry in the richest country in the world only “the country” doesn’t include them. “Country” means the rich and the Republicans. They are the guardians of all the wealth and it’s all perfectly legal. The wealth is delivered to them compliments of The People, who they’re fucking over right now. The few rich people who own it all get their money from The People’s labor and the government gets it from The People’s taxes. It’s feudalism gift wrapped with “You could be rich too if you worked hard enough capitalism.” Oh, and move over. That vaccine is mine too.

6 days until we can unwrap stuff on Christmas morning (if you can afford it) and 32 days until the changing of the guardians.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.