Lights Out and Nobody Home

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 1, 2020

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Another night of protests and riots across the country. There was a huge crowd outside of the White House last night and a giant fire. Trump got so scared he turned off the White House lights and hid in the nuclear bunker AGAIN. Either there wasn’t any internet connection or the Secret Service took his phone away because he didn’t tweet until this morning after he turned Fox and Friends on. He quoted them: “These were the people that trashed Seattle years ago. Who’s paying for these people. I was appalled that 13 of Joe Biden’s staff were donating money to bail people out in Minneapolis. They should have stayed in jail until this is over (and beyond).”

And: “I don’t see any indication that there were any white supremest groups mixing in. This is an ANTIFA Organization. It seems that the first time we saw it in a major way was Occupy Wall Street. It’s the same mindset.” TRUE!

And this tweet: Sleepy Joe Biden’s people are so Radical Left that they are working to get the Anarchists out of jail, and probably more. Joe doesn’t know anything about it, he is clueless, but they will be the real power, not Joe. They will be calling the shots! Big tax increases for all, Plus!

He’s tweeting about his poll numbers after shitting himself in a bunker with the lights out.

Nobody has used the White House bunker since Dick Cheney on 9/11.

The basement of the historical 205 year old church, St. John’s, across from the White House, was on fire last night.

He feared for his life last night after playing tough guy on Twitter during the day. He’s blaming the uprisings on the radical left, namely Antifa, and defending the white supremacists. He has declared Antifa, which isn’t even an official group, a terrorist organization.

The president of the United States is now designating people who are “anti-fascism” as “terrorists.”

In addition to retweeting a QAnon tweet, he tweeted this earlier in the day: The Lamestream Media is doing everything within their power to foment hatred and anarchy. As long as everybody understands what they are doing, that they are FAKE NEWS and truly bad people with a sick agenda, we can easily work through them to GREATNESS!

More journalists and photographers were attacked by the police.

Brian Kilmeade of Fox and Friends thinks the George Floyd uprisings might be a vast anarchist conspiracy to destroy the American economy so it can never recover from the coronavirus lockdowns. Trump likes the sound of that.

Trump and Bill Barr are politicizing the uprising and are pinning the riots on “the left.” The Republicans, as usual, won’t say a word.

Looters, anarchists, and protesters are not all the same people. Looters are opportunists who loot. Anarchists destroy. Protesters express their 1st amendment rights and demand to be heard. There are 3 different groups in the streets right now but the right wing media is referring to them all as “protesters.”

Last night the cops accidentally arrested an FBI agent. The agent is black so therefore he’s a thug.

Protesters shut down the 5 freeway in San Diego.

A tanker tried to run protesters over on a freeway in Minneapolis.

The wounded MAGA with the bow and arrow in Seattle refused to go the hospital because he doesn’t have any health insurance.

Confederate monuments across the South have been vandalized.

The cops shot and killed an unarmed, blind Latino man in Lancaster, California.

Arizona has an 8 pm curfew all week.

People in Berlin, London, and New Zealand are protesting the murder of George Floyd right now.

Today Trump will host a video teleconference with governors, law enforcement, and national security officials “on keeping American communities safe.” Governors are dreading this.

Trump is scared that an angry mob will put his lights out so he’ll stay home. He’ll stay in the White House all day today, scared shitless, but he’ll tweet.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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