Little POS

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMar 9, 2021

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What have the 6 House members Paul Gosar, Louie Gohmert, Matt Gaetz, Mo Brooks, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Lauren Boebert, who are suspected of helping organize the attack on the Capitol been up to? Paul Gosar, the guy that is so bad that his own siblings publicly supported his opponent gave the keynote address at a white supremacist conference right before he spoke at CPAC and then most recently posted a cartoon of a sex worker leaning into a man’s car saying, “$50 WHATEVER YOU WANT BABY!” with #AmericaFirst, the white nationalist motto, Louie Gohmert is accusing Nancy Pelosi of believing in conspiracy theories, Matt Gaetz is going on Fox News to accuse the Democrats of politicizing the attack on the Capitol and retweeting Newsmax and Donald Trump Jr, Mo Brooks is being sued by fellow member of Congress Eric Swalwell for inciting the riot, so he’s accusing Swalwell of being a socialist and having sex with a Chinese spy, Marjorie Taylor Greene is being an asshole by moving to adjourn meetings before they even start to disrupt legislative business, and Lauren Boebert released a video of herself walking outside of the fencing at the Capitol that is there because of her, blaming Nancy Pelosi for the “wall” and calling the Capitol “Fort Pelosi.” She pointed to the Capitol and said “This is the people’s house” (um no, the White House is the People’s House) and concluded with “Madame Speaker, tear down this wall” followed by the sound of a gun cocking.

“Marjorie Taylor Green’s office floods after she tries to flush cellphone down toilet.” — Andy Borowitz

Lt Gen Russel Honore submitted his Capitol Hill Police review which says the police are understaffed, improperly trained, and ill equipped to handle another attack. The Republiqans’ response was Lt Gen Russel Honore is a partisan! A couple of weeks ago he went on Tucker Carlson’s show and said that Josh Hawley was a little piece of shit and needed to be run out of DC and disbarred.

The Republiqans are such a mess that they didn’t put up much of a fiscal conservative fight with the covid bill. They’re so unfocused and preoccupied with making a big deal out of cancel culture that they didn’t even think to manipulate things so they’d get some sort of credit for what will be a very successful law.

Senator Roy Blunt from Missouri, famous for wanting to make women get ultrasounds before getting abortions, won’t run again in 2022. That makes 3 open seats in the Senate coming up, vacated by Republiqans; Roy Blunt, Richard Burr (North Carolina) and Pat Toomey (Pennsylvania).

Georgia Senate Republiqans, the day after Bloody Sunday, passed a sweeping voting bill that will keep people (black people) from voting by mail.

In Iowa, the governor signed into law a Republiqan backed bill that makes it harder to vote early, shortens the early voting period from 29 days to 20 days, and shuts voting sites down an hour early.

And now for the good news! The first sign of getting our lives back is here! 30 million Americans who have been vaccinated can now go ahead and gather with other vaccinated people in small groups, but they’re being asked to keep wearing masks in public. For the first time in a year America is where it should be in dealing with the virus — we’re almost number 1 for vaccination rates. We have finally turned the corner, thanks to President Biden.

On immigration — US visa applicants (mostly Muslim) who Trump denied entrance to with his travel ban can now seek new decisions or submit new applications, and undocumented Venezuelans have been granted protected status.

President Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris, on International Women’s Day, announced the nominations of 2 women to be 4 star combatant commanders. They were held back while Trump was president because he’s a misogynist and could have destroyed their careers. If confirmed by the Senate, they will become the second and third women in US history to lead combatant commands. Biden also acknowledged sexual assault in the military and vowed to end it.

Biden had both the Bush and Clinton portraits returned to prominent display in the White House after Trump had moved them out of sight. He never unveiled or hung Obama’s official portrait because he’s a petty vindictive bitch little piece of shit.

“What a difference a president makes.” — Rachel Maddow

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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