Lone Ranger

Spike Dolomite
3 min readJul 3, 2020

Trump is going to South Dakota tonight for a fireworks show at Mt. Rushmore. The governor has told people that if they want to wear masks or social distance they’re not invited.

The TikTok teens are at it again! This year’s Fourth of July theme is #allcountriesmatter. Pass it on!

Independence Day should be postponed until November 4 this year after Trump gets his ass kicked in the election. We’re not free until he’s gone.

“This Saturday, if the Marxist leaders have their way, we will celebrate Independence Day for the last time as a free people. Now is the time to stand up for your country. And even more importantly, pray that the Great American Experiment survives their assault.” — Matt Schlapp, the Grand Poobah of the Racist White Male Republican Assholes and Chair of the American Conservative Union. Ew.

Trump whines that his life was so much better before he became president. Everybody’s life was much better before Trump was president.

“I thought our institutions and political norms would keep us on track until the next election. I never imagined that Trump could erode *every possible guardrail* our framers imagined and that Congress would stand by and let him do it.” — Asha Rangappa

Trump is bragging about passing a dementia test as his Trump campaign attacks Biden’s cognitive abilities. Trump tweeted: He cannot pass the test I “aced.” He should give it a try!

After rampant voter suppression and gerrymandering, the voter turnout in Georgia’s primary on June 9 was 250,528 more Democrats than Republicans. Final vote count was 1,283,836 Democrats and 1,033,308 Republicans.

New Jersey has 1 million more Democrats than Republicans, and for the first time the state has more Democrats than unaffiliated voters.

People have had it with Republicans.

“Democracies are unnatural. They never last. Untended to, they crumble. And it’s just hubris to think the permanence of ours is inevitable. Today, our democracy is falling apart. Because Republicans fear Trump more than they love America.” — Senator Chris Murphy

“When Trump extorted Ukraine to interfere in our election, Senate Republicans backed him. When Trump fired inspectors general, Senate Republicans backed him. Trump fired the US Attorney investigating his allies, and Senate Republicans are backing him. Corruption is their brand.” — Walter Shaub

College students in Alabama are having COVID-19 parties with a prize for the first person to get sick.

Herman Cain is in a hospital in Atlanta with the coronavirus. He was at Trump’s MAGA rally in Tulsa on June 20 and didn’t wear a mask.

Republicans, Pence, Trump, and Fox News are relenting on wearing masks. Everyone is spinning it a little differently. Trump is focused on how good he looks in his. He says he looks and feels like the Long Ranger.

People have had it with Republicans. Hi ho silver hairs, away!

There are 54,357 new coronavirus cases in the wealthiest, most powerful nation in the world. It’s out of control. All other wealthy nations have it contained. Canada and Europe want to keep it that way so they’ve closed their borders to the US.

As of today, trump has spent an ENTIRE YEAR golfing. He’s golfing right now for the 365th day. Its’ also the 273rd day he’s golfed at one of his own clubs.

The Lone Ranger is all alone on his lonely golf range.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.