Lose for Good

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMar 25, 2021

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Let them eat cake, seriously. Poor people shouldn’t have to storm the castle to get a lousy piece of cake.

Surprise! Republiqans are lying again. This time they’re saying that they haven’t heard from Biden since the inauguration. That’s some desperate bullshit. The repugs are losing and it’s all for the good.

Mitch McConnell says he won’t talk to Biden anymore. Good. He’s a little busy right now and doesn’t have time for McConnell’s bullshit.

Speaking of the worst person in the world, Mitch McConnell is against the For the People Act which has already passed the House. It will expand early voting, mail in voting, automatic voter registration and make Voting Day a national holiday. Mitch McConnell says it’s not needed because there is no such thing as voter suppression. Bullshit, Mitch. BULLSHIT.

Prominent “conservative” (aka white supremacist) groups like the Heritage Foundation, FreedomWorks and Susan B. Anthony List are against the For the People Act. They want to keep America pure so that means they must keep “others” (everybody who isn’t white) from being Americans.

Republican Mississippi Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith says that voting on Sunday would offend God. It’s OK for her to campaign on Sundays though. God is not offended by that because she is a chosen one. She’s a confederate loving white person, one of the good ones.

As part of the American Rescue Plan, states will start receiving nearly $130 billion in school funding. $81 billion has already been distributed. That’s really good. It’s always good when the government supports public education.

President Biden has put Vice President Harris in charge of immigration at the southern border. Good! This will be a huge, huge job, but she’s up for it. The first thing she’ll have to do is take the hits from the Republiqans and media who are laser focused on blaming Biden for the “crisis” at the border.

Civil rights attorney Vanita Gupta is Biden’s nominee for Associate Attorney General but the Republiqans have been stringing her along. Could it be because she humiliated Texas Senator John Cornyn over 20 years ago when she was working as an attorney for the NAACP Legal Defense Fund and helped get 35 wrongly convicted black men and women in the small town of Tulia, Texas (10% of the black population)released from jail? They were accused of being drug dealers and convicted based on the testimony and manufactured evidence of a corrupt, racist undercover cop, Tom Coleman, who worked alone and didn’t have any video or audio surveillance to support his charges. The ACLU later filed a civil lawsuit and proved that Coleman conspired “to accomplish the forbidden aim of cleansing Tulia of its black population.” His ex-wife said that he was “a card-carrying member of the Ku Klux Klan.” The guy was a real scumbag who did drugs himself, threw the word “nigger” around like “um” and “y’all” and had sex with some of the female defendants. He was a real pig, and became the most hated lawman in Texas. John Cornyn gave him the Lawman of the Year Award in 1999. That’s why the repugs could be dragging Vanita Gupta — John Cornyn is pissed that she made a fool of him.

Vanita Gupta was awarded the 2004 Reebok Human Rights Award for her role in coordinating the Tulia trial. She was honored but said, “I thought it was incredible that racial injustice in our criminal justice system should be seen as an international human rights issue. We continually look outside our boundaries for human rights violations, yet they are taking place here on our own soil.” Good job, Vanita. You’re the perfect nominee for Biden’s Justice Department to help unpack and prosecute the racist fallout of the Trump administration.

Another Biden nominee, Colin Kahl, isn’t having any trouble getting confirmed for Pentagon Policy Chief because Senator Joe Manchin isn’t critical of his past tweets like he was Neera Tandin. Kahl didn’t tweet anything mean about his daughter.

History has been made again and the transphobic repugs’ heads are EXPLODING!!!!! Dr. Rachel Levine has been confirmed by the Senate to serve as Biden’s Assistant Secretary of Health. She is the first openly transgender person to be confirmed by the Senate and the highest ranking openly transgender government official. Good for you, Dr. Levine. And good for the transgender community.

The Asian grandma who was attacked on the street in San Francisco and fought back, sending the racist to the hospital, is donating the $900,000 that people raised for her on GoFundMe to the Asian American Pacific Islander community. Goodness has prevailed.

Because poverty is not a personal failure but a policy failure, 600 low income, Black, Indigenous, and POC families will be receiving guaranteed universal income of $500 a month to spend any way they want for 18 months in Oakland, California. The program is called Oakland Resilient Families and is designed to lift poor families out of poverty. The money is coming from philanthropic donors like Twitter’s CEO Jack Dorsey. Stockton, California, 70 miles to the east of Oakland, has already done it and it was successful. This is a good thing. Hopefully the federal government will take note and do the same thing before the Republiqans win again and blame poor people for being poor.

Virginia’s Democratic Governor Ralph Northam signed into law legislation that abolishes the death penalty. Virginia is the first Southern state to ban capital punishment.

It’s happening. It’s really happening, slowly but surely the South will lose for good.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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