Losing His Shit

Spike Dolomite
4 min readSep 9, 2019

While watching TV last night, Trump saw a show on MSNBC (a channel he supposedly never watches because it’s so shitty) about criminal justice reform which didn’t give him enough credit so he went on a Twitter rant: When all of the people pushing so hard for Criminal Justice Reform were unable to come even close to getting it done, they came to me as a group and asked for my help. I got it done with a group of Senators & others who would never have gone for it. Obama couldn’t come close. A man named @VanJones68, and many others, were profusely grateful (at that time!). I SIGNED IT INTO LAW, no one else did, & Republicans deserve much credit. But now that it is passed, people that had virtually nothing to do with it are taking the praise. Guys like boring musician @johnlegend, and his filthy mouthed wife, are talking now about how great it is — but I didn’t see them around when we needed help getting it passed. “Anchor”@LesterHoltNBC doesn’t even bring up the subject of President Trump or the Republicans when talking about the importance or passage of Criminal Justice Reform. They only talk about the minor players, or people that had nothing to do with it…And the people that so desperately sought my help when everyone else had failed, all they talk about now is Impeaching President Trump!

John Legend’s wife, Chrissy Teigen, called Trump a “pussy ass bitch” in response to him calling her a “filthy mouthed wife.”

The president of the United States is really losing his shit. This week will get even worse because the House Judiciary Committee is going to announce that it is moving forward with official impeachment inquiry proceedings.

Trump is going to Baltimore this week, too. People are going to lose their shit when he shows up in their beloved city. He called it a rat infested, crime ridden shit hole that nobody would ever want to live in.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Republicans are questioning Biden’s mental capacity to serve. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! And they are praising Trump for cancelling a Taliban meeting at Camp David!!! That’s not funny.

Ivanka Trump went to Paraguay and met with President Mario Abdo Benítez. WHAT THE HELL FOR? What does she do? Is this a scouting trip for Trump Tower Paraguay or is she looking for a new market to unload her shit?

A tall white guy carrying an assault weapon went into an open air market and walked around, scaring the crap out of everybody. One of the vendors called the cops but the cops said they couldn’t do anything because this was in Alexandria, Virginia where it’s legal to do that. The guy didn’t buy anything. He just went there to show off his gun. Had the guy lost his shit and walked around the market with his wiener hanging out the cops could have arrested him. Flaunting a war weapon in a crowded public space with families buying vegetables and fresh eggs isn’t indecent exposure. It’s his right.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Mark Sanford is quite an ambitious Republican. He won’t go away. He’s like poop in the pool. It’s released under the surface but eventually it floats to the top where everybody screams and jumps out of the water, then it goes back down again until everybody forgets about it and then they go back in the water and there it is again, in your face. The former disgraced Christian governor is running against Trump “to bring back what it means to be a Republican.” He must mean shit floating in a white’s only country club pool.

Trump gave Mark Sanford a lashing in a tweet: When the former Governor of the Great State of South Carolina, @MarkSanford, was reported missing, only to then say he was away hiking on the Appalachian Trail, then was found in Argentina with his Flaming Dancer friend, it sounded like his political career was over. It was, but then he ran for Congress and won, only to lose his re-elect after I Tweeted my endorsement, on Election Day, for his opponent. But now take heart, he is back, and running for President of the United States. The Three Stooges, all badly failed candidates, will give it a go!

A stooge calling three stooges The Three Stooges. Everybody is losing their shit. Get out of the pool!

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.