Manhood Takes a Joke

Spike Dolomite
3 min readMay 1, 2023

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Trump is under another investigation. Federal prosecutors are investigating whether he and his aides conned his cult followers out of giving money to a special fund to combat election fraud. He told them he needed money to investigate the 2020 election results. They sent money and he pocketed it. This is wire fraud and it comes with a hefty penalty if found guilty.

Another one of Abby Grossberg’s recordings has been released. It’s of Peter Navarro talking about how the Trump campaign ripped off donors by lying about needing money to fight election fraud. They got tens of millions out of that scam. He said Justin Clark and Bill Stepien pocketed much of it, and probably Brad Pascale. He admitted that it was criminal.

Trump is in Scotland right now to check on his properties and escape the E. Jean Carroll trial. He’s not welcome there. They hate him too.

A drunk Texan was shooting his AR-15 off in his front yard when his next door neighbor walked over and asked him to stop because his baby was sleeping. Typical Texan……He said it was his property and he could do what he wants on his property. Then the drunk Texan walked over to his neighbor’s house and shot and killed 5 people including 2 mothers who were shielding their children with their bodies and an 8 year old kid. He shot at others and missed.

The family who was targeted is Honduran and the killer is on the run.

Racist Governor Greg Abbott is offering $50,000 for the capture of the guy who killed 5 illegal immigrants. WTF? Chef Jose Andres, the rare American hero who shows up after natural disasters to feed people, got pissed. He tweeted at Abbott that nobody is illegal in heaven. “You speak with hate about immigrants, and that rhetoric is what may have created this situation in the first place. Show some empathy…that’s what good leaders do.”

The undocumented community will not come forward with any tips, if they have any, about the killer because they’re afraid of getting deported. The killer was able to purchase an AR-15 because in Texas guns are so plentiful they fall from the sky.

There have been 176 mass shootings in the first 4 months of this year.

AR-15 fun fact: A bullet from an assault weapon can travel nearly triple the speed of sound. It liquefies tissue and vaporizes bone. Last year 99% of House Republicans voted no on banning these weapons.

At the Washington Correspondents Dinner over the weekend, Biden took the roasting as good fun because he has a sense of humor and thick skin. He also sees this annual event as a celebration of democracy’s free press. He said, “My administration is here to send a message to the country and quite frankly to the world: A free press is a pillar, maybe THE pillar, of a free society — not the enemy” which is totally opposite to what was said at correspondents dinners during the Trump administration. He was too chicken to show up at these functions because he can’t take a joke. He demonized the press like Hitler did. He called the mainstream media, “fake news” and the enemy of the people. He has his followers totally convinced that they can’t trust the media. This has caused so much damage we can’t begin to measure it because we’re living right in the middle of an existential threat.

After demonizing CNN and encouraging his cult followers to attack and harass anybody from CNN at his MAGA rallies, Trump has arranged to do a town hall next week with CNN.

Republican Congresswoman Nancy Mace wore a tuxedo to the White House Correspondents Dinner. That kind of outfit could get her arrested in some states. Which bathroom did she use?

Josh Hawley’s “Manhood” book tour has begun.

Josh Hawley was one of the senators who got calls during the insurrection and one of three senators who voted not to certify the election. What’s his manhood gonna do when he’s indicted for trying to overturn the 2020 election?

The world was a little bit quieter last week without Tucker Carlson.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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