May the Force Distract You

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 10, 2018

Trump sent Pence out to talk about Space Force because ISIS could get us from the moon. The media covered it for hours, which was the real reason why Trump sent Pence out to talk about Space Force. He used his sincere, I’d do anything for Mr. Trump voice and said we need Space Force because our enemies are already up there. Imagine — Star Wars in Trump’s name! Plot twist! Trump is Michael Cohen’s father!

Like father, like son: Christopher Collins is a crook and so is his son, Cameron Christopher Collins. Mike Flynn is a traitor, and so is his son, Mike Junior. Trump is a conman and so is his son, Don Junior.

There aren’t any golf courses in space. There aren’t any golf courses in hell, either.

The Omarosa tape is said to be shocking. Shocking! Trump mocks the disabled, insults veterans, says obnoxious, racist, sexist things, and cusses. It doesn’t matter. His base will love it, the evangelicals will excuse it, and the Republicans will ignore it, just like they always do.

“The Trump Presidential Library will consist entirely of tell-all books written by people who worked in the Trump White House” — Stephen Colbert

Fox News bimbo, Michelle Fields, wore a tight dress to show lots of cleavage so viewers would keep turned on to Fox News, and said that we shouldn’t keep giving social security to people just because they’re old. Old guys on social security, watching in their MAGA hats, didn’t hear it because they were looking at her boobs.

Also on Fox News: Laura Ingraham blatantly said it. She said it — “Massive demographic changes have been foisted upon the American people, and they are changes that none of us ever voted for, and most of us don’t like. Much of this is related to both illegal and in some cases legal immigration that progressives love.” There it is. Blatant racism.

Trump says black men who kneel during the National Anthem are a betrayal to the country, but him standing straight up, next to our sworn enemy and praising him on the world stage is not.

30 years ago, Trump did a TV interview where he said well educated blacks have tremendous advantages, even over well educated whites. He said he’d love to be a well educated black man. Well, well educated black men earned their money. Trump did not. Being born into white wealth is a tremendous advantage. He hasn’t earned anything. And he isn’t educated.

Melania’s parents got sworn in as US citizens. They used the chain migration method which is perfectly fine if you’re white and you are the parents of the Third Lady. Laura Ingraham wasn’t talking about them.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Florida Republican congressman, Matt Gaetz, wants to abolish the EPA. Florida has an algae crisis. It’s gross. Gaetz tweeted out pictures of toxic sludge, bloated fish, and a dead dolphin and whale shark. “This is horrifying!” he tweeted. What causes algae blooms? Pollution combined with warm water and sunlight. It can cause liver and brain disease. How do they get rid of it? Cloudy days, heavy rains, and GOVERNMENT REGULATIONS TO KEEP PEOPLE FROM POLLUTING! But that’s anti-Republican. “The American people are drowning in rules and regulations promulgated by unelected bureaucrats; and the Environmental Protection Agency has become an extraordinary offender,” Gaetz has said. Algae may be gross but we don’t need government to get rid of it.

The VA is being run by a group of rich old white men from Mar-a-Lago. They know nothing about the military or health care.

Wage growth is getting wiped out entirely by inflation and people are barely getting by but Trump says the economy is doing GREAT so OK!

One of the many reasons why the Republicans want to keep Brett Kavanaugh’s documents from the Democrats is because he lied to Congress during the Bush administration.

It’s Friday morning and Trump has been tweeting about black men kneeling in protest again. He’s poking at his base, aggravating them, reminding them that there are black men out there who are more successful than they are, and they need to be put in their proper place. They’re already excited about getting to fight bad guys (and aliens) in outer space. Getting them pissed off at black people on top of it should be a safeguard before today’s breaking news. The MAGAs need to be looking the other way when we find out who is indicted next.

Wheeeeee!!!!!! We get to go for a ride in space!

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ACTION ITEM FOR THIS DAY: If you are anywhere today where they’ve got Fox News on, ask the establishment to turn it off. If they don’t, walk out.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.