Mega MAGA Fail

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 14, 2022

20 races haven’t been called yet for the House. Republicans need 6 seats and Dems need 15 to win the majority.

The GOP is in crisis. Most of Trump’s endorsed new candidates lost. Republicans in the Senate have picked a fight with Mitch McConnell. Several have said they want his job (MAGA Republican Blake Masters went on Fox and blamed Mitch McConnell for him losing his Senate race in Arizona). Kevin McCarthy is a moving target in the House. All he has ever wanted was to be Speaker but that’s not what his whole caucus wants. They want war and if the Republicans win they’ll spend the next 2 years warring with one another.

The MAGA Republicans who won re-election could get popped off in another war — DOJ’s war for justice. An awful lot of them could go to jail for their role in the insurrection.

The repugs had a few wins. The governor of Oklahoma, Kevin Stitt, won re-election. He’s the Christian Nationalist who recently dedicated his state to Republican Jesus. He said in a speech (with his head bowed in prayer), “With the authority that I have as governor, and the spiritual authority and the physical authority that you give me, I claim Oklahoma for you.”

Lindsey Graham said that the Democrat who won in Nevada won because of fraud.

Fox News isn’t just mad at Gen Z. They’re mad at single women for voting for Democrats. Jesse Watters says they need to get married.

Now that Florida has a supermajority in both state houses, legislators have confirmed they are going to tighten abortion restrictions even more in 2023.

While the GOP celebrates its few victories, all sorts of good news is popping up for the Dems all over the country. Democrat Cisco Aguilar is the new Secretary of State in Nevada. He beat MAGA Republican Jim Marchant who played a leading role in getting other MAGAs who were faithful to Trump’s Big Lie to run for secretary of states so they could turn elections in Trump’s favor when he ran again (the plan failed — those candidates didn’t do well at all). Nevada’s new attorney general is a Democrat, too, so Nevada is safe from a fascist take over for at least 4 years.

Secretary of State candidate, Mark Finchem, lost too. He’s an insurrectionist who testified before the Select Committee and the DOJ. If he had won, it would have been a disaster for Arizona. Mark Kelly won re-election for Senate in Arizona. He beat Trump endorsed MAGA Republican Blake Masters (who blamed his loss on Mitch McConnell). The governor’s race hasn’t been called yet but MAGA Republican Kari Lake is already saying that the Dems cheated. About a dozen white people carrying crosses and praying out loud stood outside of the Maricopa ballot counting center to demand that Kari Lake win. “We the people are requesting the military to step in and redo our election. It was fake.”

Perhaps one of the reasons why Arizona turned blue is because so many old white people died during the pandemic and weren’t able to vote for Republicans. Republican Governor Doug Ducey didn’t protect them from Covid. He let them die.

In Pennsylvania, Josh Shapiro beat confederate insurrectionist Doug Mastriano by about a half a million votes. Pennsylvania, like Michigan, rejected MAGA in a big way. Both states are turned towards the future.

John Fetterman, the new senator from Pennsylvania, is the husband of Gisele Barreto Fetterman, a former undocumented immigrant. Her mother brought her to America from Brazil when she was 7 years old. She became a citizen in 2009 after living in the shadows for 15 years. Her mom cleaned hotels and houses to support her and her brother. Her new role will give immigrants more representation in Congress which makes the Republicans’ heads explode. She is an activist and a nonprofit leader which makes their heads explode even more.

A record number of openly LGBTQ candidates were elected across the country. There goes some more heads.

Every seat in New England went to the Dems.

The Democrats didn’t lose a single state chamber. That hasn’t happened since 1934.

The polls and media were way off on the red wave which explains why Biden’s approval rating has been low. It’s not. Joe Biden made history again by Democrats doing so well in the midterms but the media won’t report it that way just like they’ve ignored his many other historical wins. Biden doesn’t care. Unlike the former guy, he’s not obsessed with his poll numbers. He doesn’t even pay attention. He’s too busy working.

62 years ago today, 6 year old Ruby Bridges was escorted by federal marshals into an elementary school in New Orleans. A white mob protested her arrival and screamed horrible things at her, a little kid whose parents wanted her to have access to the same education that white kids got. Republicans are trying to take us back to those days but they’re not going to win, not even in Texas and Florida where they supposedly already have.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.