Memorial Day 2021

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMay 31, 2021

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The United States Senate is a shithole. Senate Republicans blocked forming a bipartisan commission to investigate a terrorist attack on the Capitol. What used to be the most revered and dignified legislative body in the world is now an anti-democratic, do-nothing farce. They don’t want their voters to find out who attacked the Capitol Police who were protecting them that day from assassination. Among those standing guard so the repugs could cover their own asses was Officer Eugene Goodman who saved their lives that day.

The vote was 54 yes and 35 no. Minority ruled because of the filibuster.

Among the senators who blew the vote off by not showing up were James Risch, Mike Rounds, Richard Shelby, Mike Braun, Roy Blunt, Jim Inhofe, Pat Toomey (had a “family commitment”), Richard Burr (probably crawled out of his office window with his dry cleaning to avoid talking to the press about his vote) Marsha Blackburn (couldn’t be bothered), Patty Murray (a Democrat, WTF?), and Democrat in name only, Kyrsten Sin Enema (Forever 21 was having a Memorial Day sale.)

Republicans: Hey terrorists and enemies at home and abroad! Attack us! No questions asked!

Nancy Pelosi: In bowing to McConnell’s personal favor request, Republican senators surrendered to the January 6th mob assault.

Chuck Schumer: This vote has made it official. Donald Trump’s big lie has now fully enveloped the Republican Party. Trump’s big lie is now the defining principle of what was once the Party of Lincoln.

Dan Rather: They filibustered the truth.

Republicans are back home giving speeches about Memorial Day, a day to remember those who died fighting fascism. They’re using words like sacrifice, courage, duty, and patriotism. How dare they talk about those who died defending our democracy in wars when they voted to cover up who killed those who died defending our democracy on January 6.

Democrats will investigate anyway using a select committee and the Republicans will just call it partisan. The DOJ and FBI are already investigating so whoever the repugs are protecting will be found out anyway.

Next up is the For the People Act and they’ll block that too. Kyrsten Sin Enema is a co-sponsor but watch her blow that vote off so she doesn’t miss her Brazilian wax appointment.

A store in Nashville called HatWRKS was promoting a $5 anti-Semitic piece of merchandise, a yellow Star of David fashioned after the yello cloth that branded the Jews during the Holocaust. The owner, Gigi Haskins, thought she was being clever by comparing the Jews who were easily identifiable so they could be rounded up and transported to concentration camps and made to work for 20 hours a day without food or water until they were executed to the covid vaccine. Her yellow stars had, “Not Vaccinated” embossed on them. She posted a selfie of herself with one on her Instagram account, @hatwksnashville, which is full of far out right wing whacked out conspiracy theories. The internet blew up after people found out about it, causing her to turn off comments on all of her social media. Turns out she’s a brainwashed QAnon weirdo who got 2 PPP loans totaling $92k even though she’s a covid denier. She was at the Capitol on January 6. A local reporter showed up at her store to ask her some questions and Gigi threw her out. So local activists stood outside of her store with No Nazis signs which got the attention of CNN. Now quite a few hat makers have pulled their product because they don’t want to have anything to do with her. One of them is Stetson. She, Fox and the Republicans will call it cancel culture. Normal people will call it consequences. She posted an apology but never admitted to being wrong. She said she was sorry that people were offended.

White supremacists gave murderer Kyle Rittenhouse $450,000. How much will they give Gigi?

Texas Republicans finalized a major bill to restrict voting rights and just before they got it to pass, the Democrats all walked out, but that won’t stop them for good. The repugs will try again. Message to Texans who aren’t white and registered Republicans: GET OUT. We don’t want you here and you’ll get no representation so you might as well leave. That goes for women too.

The 17th mass shooting this month (and the second for Miami this weekend) happened at a birthday concert for a local rapper at a rented banquet hall. 3 masked, hooded murderers in a white SUV waited outside until the concert ended and then opened fire at least 100 times, killing 2 and injuring 20. 3 are in critical condition and 2 are on life support. Some of the party goers were packing and returned fire. Who knows who shot who.

A QAnon convention was held in Dallas this weekend. Disgraced former general Mike Flynn and QAnon weirdo Sydney Powell were the headliners. They spoke to a group of organized unAmerican domestic terrorists. Mike Flynn, who pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI for betraying his country and then got pardoned by Trump, made a speech calling on the military to overthrow the government. On Memorial Day weekend.

Republicans are OUTRAGED that Kamala Harris posted a tweet wishing everybody a nice long weekend on Memorial Day 2021 instead of posting something somber. A year ago in 2020 Trump tweeted: Happy Memorial Day!

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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