Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 7, 2021


Missouri — where Republicans lowered the minimum wage from $10 to $7.70 an hour, the one state that the NAACP issued a travel advisory warning for for black people because it was too dangerous because of hyped up white supremacists and racist cops, but where a 27 year old white woman, Anika Witt, lived through a traffic stop after cops found heroin and ecstasy in her car and then later found a loaded handgun in her vagina during the strip search after she was taken to jail.

Missouri — where vaginas are an obsession with Republican politicians who get off on mandating them. Doctors have to stick their fingers up a woman’s vagina for no other reason other than to humiliate her if she seeks an abortion and state representative and former cop Barry Hovis said she and her vagina asked for it when he made this comment about rape: “Most of my rapes are consensual rapes or date rapes after a party. It’s unfortunate but [rape victims] need to live with the consequences of their actions”

Missouri — where a priest, Father Fred, had 25 little boys dress up like the baby Jesus before he sodomized them.

Missouri — where a local idiot got arrested and charged with making a terrorist threat because he filmed himself licking items on shelves at a Walmart during the covid pandemic and then posted them on social media.

Missouri — where covid is so bad that the entire state is #1 for infections and hospitalizations while states with Democratic governors have their numbers under control. Their Republican governor, Mike Parson, is so anti-public health that he poo-pooed masks even after he got and spread the virus. He told the people of his state that they aren’t getting Medicaid expansion or health insurance even though that’s what the people want. The guy who had Mike Parson’s job before him, Republican Eric Greitens, resigned in disgrace after being investigated for rape, tying his naked girlfriend up (he has a wife), taking pictures of her, and bribing her. He’s running for Senate in 2022. His campaign chair is Junior’s girlfriend, Kimberly Guilfoyle, and he’s planning on cashing in on the Trump brand and endorsement. He’s running against personal injury attorney Mark McCloskey, the guy who stood outside his mansion with his wife pointing guns at black people walking down the street in St Louis. They both want Roy Blunt’s seat, the guy who tried to make it a law that women be forced to watch ultrasounds of cells multiplying in their uteruses before “murdering” them. He also said that an investigation into Trump wasn’t necessary because even George Washington wasn’t perfect.

Missouri — the state with one of the most fucked up state legislatures, where an ordained minister, Rick Roeber, finally resigned after he couldn’t escape the news that he molested and beat his kids while he was possessed by the Devil, and another state legislator, Patricia Ashton Durges, was investigated for selling the cure for covid and making money off of the vaccine even though she’s not a doctor, and where Andrew McDaniel wrote a bill mandating that every resident own at least one AR-15.

Missouri — home of Trump loving US State Senator Josh Hawley who doesn’t actually have a home in Missouri and encouraged the insurrection.

There’s only 4 good things that have come out of Missouri — Mark Twain, the Black Lives Matter movement, US Congresswoman Cori Bush — a nurse, single mother and an early leader in the BLM protests in Ferguson. She is the first Black woman ever elected to represent Missouri in Congress, and the first woman to represent Missouri’s First District in it’s 173 year history. The fourth good thing is father/son entrepreneurs and out and proud liberals in rural Missouri. They’re both former teachers but lost their jobs due to covid so they started a t-shirt business, Corn Fed Threads. Show them some love by following them on Tiktok (@cornfedthreads) and buying their stuff! www.cornfedthreads.com.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.