Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 26, 2020

For the second night of the TNC (Trump National Convention) Melania read off of a teleprompter in the rose garden that she had just destroyed, wearing an army green jacket style dress that looks like what Fidel Castro used to wear, but fitted. The media fell all over itself with praise for the Third Lady. She did it! She did it! Nobody sitting in her dug up roseless rose garden was wearing a mask. Trump looked like he wanted her to hurry up so he could get cut in the buffet line. Everybody else looked at her and pictured her naked because they have seen her naked. She’s nasty. She could have ripped of her I Really Don’t Care Do U military jacket and done a pole dance using the bar that is set so low for her that it actually touches the ground. Take it off! Take it off! She can do a strip tease in front of Made in China American flags at the White House and not suffer any consequences for violating the Hatch Act because presidents and first ladies are immune from the Hatch Act. Lap dance for everybody! Get out your Donny Dollars!

The Third Lady is no lady. She’s a nasty woman. A gold digger. A fraud. A grifter.

Melanie wasn’t the only one to dance for the horny MAGAs inside the White House. Before Melanie took it all off, long lost daughter Tiffany spoke and like her step mom, put on quite a show. She told America that she knows the uncertainty of being out of work. She hasn’t been able to find a job since she finished law school. Never mind that she’s living in luxury in SoCal without any student debt, laying topless by the pool with her very own pool boy during the Trump Plague. Nobody feels sorry for her anymore. She proved that she’s not lost at all but that she’s actually one of them. She’ll do anything for money.

Bleeding Gums Eric, second son of baby mama #1, spoke hours after he pleaded the fifth.

The rest of the speakers were freak show dance finalists Mike Pompeo, the Armageddon obsessed Christian warrior Secretary of State who spoke from a rooftop in Jerusalem, violating the Hatch Act and his own department’s rules to guarantee that the job remain apolitical but so what he’s doing this for Jesus, then came anti abortion activist Abby Johnson, the Handmaid’s Tale nut who thinks that each white household should get one vote instead of each person getting a vote and that the cops would be justified in racially profiling her adopted black son because statistically speaking black people are more apt to commit violent offenses, and Kentucky shitty teenager Nicholas Sandmann, the Catholic school punk who got in the face of a Native American elder during an anti abortion demonstration in DC and then later sued news outlets for making him look like a shitty teenager stood in front of the Lincoln Memorial to slam the media. When the dance recital was over, Trump pardoned a black bank robber and Acting DHS Secretary Chad Wolf presided over a naturalization ceremony. Trump thought both would make great reality TV. INSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE. Like Melania in the rose garden, and Pompeo in Israel, this was a violation of the Hatch Act which prohibits federal employees from performing political activities on duty, but whatever. They all do it and nobody is going to stop them.

Mary Mendoza got pulled from the speaker line up at the last minute because she had posted anti Semitic QAnon conspiracy theories about the Elders of Zion and the Jews planning to enslave all the other non Jews.

To add insult to injury, they opened with a prayer for Jacob Blake, the latest victim of police brutality who is paralyzed from the waist down after being shot by the cops 7 times. He’s alive but his body is hamburger meat. He has sustained damage to his liver and kidneys, and part of his small intestines and colon have been removed. They’ll pray for him on TV but they don’t want anybody to jump to any conclusions about what the cops did even though it’s all caught on video.

Police brutality fun fact: Since George Floyd was murdered by the cops, there have only been 3 days that the police have not killed somone.

Meanwhile in Idaho, Ammon Bundy and his maskless MAGA mutineers stormed the capitol in Idaho, destroyed property and broke glass, threatened legislators and refused to leave. Good ol’ boy Ammon got arrested but he didn’t get shot. None of them did. They were all white.

69 days until we get to vote. Speaking of 69, Jerry Falwell, Jr. admits now that ya, he and his wife did get it on with the pool boy. A lot. He liked to watch. Nasty, nasty! They call it The Horny Trinity so it’s OK. God watches over us.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.