National Intelligence

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 3, 2019

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Trump started his day at the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, NJ. This is the 214th day that he has golfed at a Trump golf club and the 282nd day that he has been at a Trump property since he was installed by Russia and we’re paying for it.

Speaking of paying for it — taxpayers have paid over $90 billion more under Trump’s tax law. The filthy rich and companies like Amazon haven’t paid anything. NOTHING. Trump and the Republicans keep telling their voters that they got a good deal and they believe them because they’re that stupid.

Like Amazon, IBM paid $0 in taxes. Now it’s laying off 1,700 employees. If any of them voted for Trump they’ll blame Obama.

Mystery solved on why Trump sniffs so much. He snorts tax dollars.

Kiss ass congressman, John Ratcliffe, won’t be Trump’s new DNI after all because he got busted for lying on his resume and his career. He doesn’t have intelligence experience. Trump nominated him without vetting him because he kissed Trump’s butt and was good at it. Trump is blaming the media for vetting him and discovering he’s a liar. Trump says Ratcliffe is being treated unfairly.

The president of the United States referred to the American free press as the LameStream Media.

The FBI has declared Qanon a conspiracy theorist driven domestic terrorist group and a dangerous threat. If you try and tell a Qanon that they’ll say it’s all part of the conspiracy because they’re that stupid. And PARANOID.

As more Republicans announce they’re jumping ship, Trump loving whackadoodles are announcing they want to hop on the sinking vessel. Corey Lewandowski is considering a run for senate in New Hampshire and anti-Muslim activist Laura Loomer is going to run for Congress.

The Republican Congress won’t have any black people or any color for that matter and only 12 self hating women in the next session of Congress. There are more men named Jim running for Republican seats in 2020 than there are people of color or women.

The former chair of the Idaho GOP was arrested for stalking his ex-wife. He was watching her from inside some bushes, wearing a wig and jerking off. Did he do it because his religion says your wife has to be there if you touch yourself? Does his religion say you need to have your head covered while touching yourself? Is that why he wore a wig? Or is it because his MAGA hat draws too much attention to himself? MAGA in the bushes with his wiener hanging out! MAGA in the bushes with his wiener hanging out! Call the kids inside! There’s another MAGA with his wiener hanging out!

Dick Cheney’s daughter, Liz, is a congresswoman. That’s not hard when your name is Cheney and there are only 100 people who live in your state and the only ones who vote are your relatives. She called Bernie Sanders a commie because he defended Elizabeth Warren after Liz attacked her for proposing a policy of not nuking anyone first. Bernie said we shouldn’t be taking national security advice from her. She didn’t call Trump a commie. Is that because he’d take national security advice from her just like he does anybody on Fox?

More news on the NRA shooting itself in the foot — 3 board members have resigned because CEO Wayne LaPierre was suspiciously spending NRA money. They say their confidence in NRA leadership has been “shattered.” Not “wounded” or “blown” or “shot to hell.” Shattered.

When asked if he had a message for Poland on the anniversary of the Warsaw Uprising Trump replied, “I have a lot of respect for Poland, and as you know the people of Poland like me. And I like them. And I’m going to be going to Poland fairly soon.”

A petition has started in Colorado Springs to change the name of a street from “Trump” to anything but Trump. Even though the street was named long before Individual One was installed by Russia, people don’t want to live on Trump Street.

“I miss the old days. When Presidents were presidential, press secretaries had press briefings and directors of intelligence were intelligent and lawmakers passed laws.” — Lisa Reid

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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