Neener Neener

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 12, 2024


Republicans have been trying to nail Hunter Biden for 3 years and they finally won. Hunter Biden was found guilty on 3 gun related charges, charges that would have never gone to court if the defendant was anybody else, a first time offender with no criminal record. This was a gun related paperwork crime. The irony of Hunter getting the most extreme punishment for owning a gun for 11 days after lying about not being an addict when he bought the gun is that Republicans, who got him in this situation in the first place, want no regulations on gun purchases or ownership at all.

“Maybe someday America will enforce gun laws on everyone as strictly as they’ve been enforced on Hunter Biden.” — Tristan Snell

Nobody on the left attacked the judge or the prosecutor or the witnesses or the jury. The reaction from half of the country was pretty quiet and a little sad, but nobody claimed that the trial was rigged.

Hunter Biden is a private citizen who was targeted for political reasons because his dad is the president. The Republicans did this to hurt Joe Biden. Joe Biden immediately issued a statement expressing respect for the judicial process. He also said he’s a father who loves his son more than anything. Then he went to Delaware and gave his son a big dad hug.

Republicans and right-wing media are partying their fat, pasty white asses off. We got him! We got him! We got him! Except Hunter Biden isn’t running for anything so this isn’t going to hurt his nonexistent political career. This sort of thing would only hurt a Democrat running for office. Unlike Republicans who are putting a convicted felon, rapist, insurrectionist, and wanna be dictator who stole national secrets and most likely sold them to our enemies up for president.

Trump had his first meeting with his probation officer. He got special treatment, of course. He got to talk to his probation via the phone from Mar a Lago with his lawyer present. There was no drug test. That doesn’t happen to ordinary convicted felons.

Trump admitted to his parole officer that he has a gun at Mar-a-Lago. As a convicted felon, he’s not supposed to have a gun. More irony — Hunter Biden lied about being a drug addict on his gun form and got convicted. Trump admitted that he has a gun even though he’s a convicted felon and neener neener.

Trump told the crowd at his MAGA rally in Vegas over the weekend, “I don’t care about you — I just care about your vote.” Then he rambled on about boat batteries and sharks. He said he’d rather be electrocuted than eaten by a shark. He brought up January 6 and said, “Those J6 warriors, they were warriors. But really more than anything else they are victims of what happened. All they were doing is protesting a rigged election.”

MAGA world went nuts thinking there would be a mistrial after Judge Merchan sent the defense and prosecution a letter notifying them that somebody had posted on the courthouse’s Facebook page that he knew in advance that Trump was going to be convicted because he had a cousin on the jury who told him so. MAGA thought the trial had been rigged. They swatted each other on their white pasty asses and yelled, “Hell ha!” What the judge didn’t say in his letter was that the guy who posted that message is a professional shitposter. He posts stuff like that all the time. “Shitposter” is in his profile.

A liberal documentary film maker, Laura Windsor, attended the Supreme Court Historical Society’s annual dinner as a dues paying member under her real name. Posing as a conservative, she got the Alitos to say partisan, tacky stuff on tape. Justice Alito said that the country needs to return “to a place of godliness.” He said that it was difficult for the left and the right to live peacefully together because of “fundamental differences that can’t be compromised” therefore it is necessary to fight the Christian nationalist fight. One side or the other has got to win. His wife, Martha Ann, blabbered on. She’s really upset right now because she has to look at Pride flags flying in her neighborhood. She says she is deferring to her husband for the time being by not flying her own flag, a Sacred Heart of Jesus flag. She told her husband, “When you are free of this nonsense, I’m putting it up.” She called her critics “feminazis” and threatened libel lawsuits against the press. “There’s a five-year defamation statute of limitations. Don’t get angry. Get even.” The wife of a Supreme Court justice said all of this to a perfect stranger.

The New Jersey Bureau of Alcohol Beverage Control may revoke Trump’s liquor licenses at 3 of his golf courses because he’s a convicted felon. That could happen in the other states where he has golf courses, too. Without a liquor license Trump is toast because selling booze at the 19th hole is where the money is. He may be in trouble with his loans now too because it could be a condition of loan agreements that he not be a convicted felon so his creditors could call their loans in early and he won’t be able to pay them because he’s not liquid enough and he can’t sell anything as a condition of the judgement in the Trump Organization case in New York nor can he sell his Truth Social stock. Neener neener.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.