Nervous Bad Guys

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 6, 2023

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Cocaine was found in a cubby hole in a West Wing area where visitors leave their electronics and other belongings while taking White House tours. Biden wasn’t at the White House during the Oval Office special event when the coke was obviously forgotten. Trump beat Fox News to the BREAKING NEWS story — BOTH BIDENS ARE COKE HEADS!

A former president of the United States accused the current president of being a drug user and the special counsel of being a drug addict. Trump is one nervous bad guy who continues to get away with vile crap like this because good guys have become desensitized to this because they’re so used to it and bad guys think crap like this make Trump even greater.

The White House got lots of calls asking for lost and found.

Trump’s son is an obvious coke head and needs help but he’s a bad guy surrounded by bad guys. Nobody cares enough about him to help him.

Junior was supposed to go to Australia for 3 days to spread MAGA and fundraise in 3 cities, but Australians don’t want him there. They put a change.org petition together demanding that he be denied a visa to enter their country so Junior “postponed” his trip.

700,000 signatures were collected in Ohio to put an abortion amendment on the ballot. That’s 10 times more than they need.

Republican big donors have stopped writing checks in Arizona because the right-wing wackos have taken over the party and they’re sick of it. They won’t be investing in losing candidates who claim Trump won in 2020 and they don’t want to fund legal fees for people who are in trouble for election fraud. They’ve had enough of the bad guys in Arizona.

The Arizona GOP spent more than $300,000 on “legal consulting” fees last year. Some of that money went to a firm that had filed lawsuits seeking to overturn Trump’s defeat in Arizona. Money was also spent on attorneys to represent former chair, Kelli Ward, who was subpoenaed by the Justice Department over her involvement in the fake electors scheme.

Arizona’s Republican Party had less than $50,000 in cash reserves in its state and federal bank accounts as of March 31. At the same point four years ago, it had nearly $770,000.

The Arizona GOP spent more than $500,000 on an election night for a party and a bus tour for statewide Trump-backed candidates all of whom lost in last November’s midterms.

Good guy Jack Smith subpoenaed the secretary of state in Arizona. Former House speaker, good guy Rusty Bowers who testified before the Select Committee, has spoken to the FBI.

The head of the GOP in Nevada has flipped and is talking to Jack Smith.

Bad guy attorney Lin Wood, who was part of the Trump legal team that tried to overturn the election, has decided to retire rather than face disbarment.

The deleted text messages by the secret service before, during and after the insurrection are now part of a criminal investigation.

After 2 delays, Walt Nauta, Trump’s yes man, pleaded not guilty in a Miami federal courthouse.

A lone Federalist Society judge has blocked Biden officials from meeting with social media companies about protected speech. The judge is the only judge in this parish in Louisiana. He’s handling the case because the attorney general in Louisiana, along with the attorney general in Missouri brought the case where there would be no other judges. These bad guy Republican attorneys general say Biden went too far to protect elections, kids from predators, and public health. They have accused the Biden administration of censorship by suppressing conservative speech (conspiracy theorists and internet lunatics). They want to keep the entire administration from contacting any of the social media companies for any reason whatsoever. This case is based on the Biden administration working with social media companies to protect the public from bad information about COVID. If the fifth circuit doesn’t strike this crackpot case down, the danger is that it could make it to the lawless Supreme Court where 6 bad guys could silence the White House. A nationwide injunction is being decided by one bad guy judge in Louisiana. The first amendment is for us, but not for you.

The lieutenant governor of North Carolina, Mark Robinson, encouraged everybody at the Moms for Liberty conference to read up on bad guys Hitler, Stalin and Mao.

The serious good guys are hard at work fighting for justice against fascism, while the dipshit half-wit bad guys fight Hunter Biden.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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