No Sweat

Spike Dolomite
4 min readApr 30, 2021

The FBI searched Rudy Giuliani’s apartment on Madison Ave and his office on Park Ave and took electronic devices, including his laptop. After he started the Hunter Biden laptop rumor, this is quite hilarious. Tucker had Rudy on his show so he could rant which was quite a fiasco since Rudy is such an idiot about modern technology. He accused the feds of barging in when they already had what they were looking for because “THEY GOT IT FROM THE iCLOUD!” He rambled on and on about Hunter Biden, saying it is Hunter who they should be investigating, not him. He even offered them Hunter’s hard drives that he had in his possession but they wouldn’t take them. He farted and melted again on live TV.

Rudy was a key figure in nearly all of Trump’s scandals. He took over where Michael Cohen left off. Cohen went to jail for breaking the law to get Trump elected the first time. Rudy did the same thing for Trump to get him elected the second time and failed. That’s why he didn’t get a pre-emptive pardon. Rudy is going down. He’s sweating and farting and losing his dentures.

The grand jury subpoena for Rudy Giuliani was issued in 2019 but Bill Barr intervened. The subpoena is for money laundering, wire fraud, campaign finance violations, making false statements, obstruction of justice, and being a foreign agent.

Rudy Giuliani worked with Konstantin Kilimnik, the Russian spy, but Bill Barr blocked an investigation into that. Bill Barr should be sweating.

The FBI also searched the home of Victoria Toensing, a lawyer close to Rudy who also tried to set the Bidens up with Ukraine. She is the third Trump lawyer to be raided by the feds. Victoria is sweating.

The DOJ is going after the MAGAs who plotted to kidnap Governor Whitmer of Michigan. The indictment includes charges of conspiracy to use a weapon of mass destruction. Who’s sweating now, you fringe lunatics?

A MAGA in New York, Brendan Hunter, was found guilty of threatening to kill members of Congress after the January 6 insurrection. The big shot MAGA is sweating like bullets in ice.

Shitty employers are posting signs outside of their businesses apologizing for the lack of staff. They blame their employees for being shitty and lazy and not wanting to come back to work because they’d rather sit home and collect unemployment. The story isn’t that employees are lazy. The story is shitty employers don’t pay living wages. Sweat that out, boss.

“… if you make minimum wage and work full-time, you qualify for food stamps. Who pays for food stamps? You do. Stop asking if the price of goods will go up if the minimum wage grows, and start asking why you’re subsidizing businesses to pay poverty wages.” — Dan Price (CEO who cut his own pay so his workers could make $70,000)

American capitalism fun fact: The US minimum wage would be $33/hour if it had kept pace with Wall Street bonuses.

Joe Biden raised pay to $15 an hour for federal contractors. That comes out to an extra $3,000 a year. That’s a huge difference and will minimize end of the month middle of the night sweats.

Joe Biden has picked Celeste Drake, a longtime trade expert from AFL-CIO, to be the first Made in America director, an office that was created by executive order in January. Her job will be to steer more federal dollars to US union manufacturers and producers. He also nominated Ed Gonzalez, a Texas sheriff who publicly opposed Trump’s policy of separating migrant children from their families to lead ICE.

The number of parentless migrant children in Border Patrol custody dropped 82% in a month.

The Supreme Court blocked the deportation of a Guatemalan immigrant. The vote was 6–3.

The Florida legislature followed Georgia in passing a voter suppression bill which makes it a crime to give food or water to voters in line, restricts mail ballot drop boxes, makes it harder to vote by mail, and makes it easier for repugs to challenge the vote count. Repugs are breaking out into cold sweats in purple states. They can’t win unless they keep people from voting.

Meanwhile in Florida, evil sewer clown, Donald Trump, is still obsessing over the election and talks about it constantly. He says Rudy is being treated unfairly and is pissed that Biden is taking credit for the vaccine.

Trump and Rudy are sweating like hookers pretending not to know each other or the minister, farting and melting in church.

Joe Biden? No sweat.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.