Not My Problem

Spike Dolomite
5 min readAug 4, 2021

As covid infections rapidly increase and hospitals reach capacity with unvaccinated patients who picked a fight with the virus and lost, Florida’s Governor Ron DeSantis did a press event, taking a page out of Trump’s playbook where he downplayed the health crisis purely for his own political reasons. He keeps telling the same old Trump lie because it worked so well for Trump. Don’t believe what you see with your own eyes or hear with your own ears. Believe ME. He said, “I’m sick of the judgmental stuff. There’s people that were hermits for a year and a half that wore six masks and did that and still contracted it.” So what’s the problem? I say take your chances and vote for me!

President Biden is running out of patients, er patience, with Republican governors, who are the problem. In his own press event he said, “If some governors aren’t willing to do the right thing to beat this pandemic, then they should allow businesses and universities who want to do the right thing to be able to do it. If you aren’t going to help, at least get out of the way.”

Texas has surpassed New York in total amount of covid deaths. New York was hit first and hit the hardest when the mysterious virus first took hold in the US and had no federal support. It’s been 7 months since the vaccine became available. Governor Abbott has no excuse for such high numbers. Problem? What problem? There is a solution to the problem but he’s not taking it because he wants to win re-election next year. So, like DeSantis, he’s going with the Republican guide, Trump’s playbook, and is lying straight to his constituents’ faces, refusing to use his power to stop the spread of a deadly disease, all for personal political gain. Not my problem.

Every covid care facility for children is full in Louisiana. Half of the sick kids are under 12. Problem parents who get infected and then pass the disease on to their kids will be really surprised when they show up at the hospital and there’s no room for them.

The drummer for the band Offspring, Pete Parada, got kicked out of the bandbecause he’s a problem. He refused to get vaccinated. The leader singer, Dexter Holland, has a PhD in molecular biology and isn’t having any of that shit.

Public health officials need to use reverse psychology to turn everybody’s problem into their problem. Make it a ME FIRST plea to trick selfish jerks into getting vaccinated. Don’t do it for your family, your neighbors, your band or your fans. Do it for YOU. You, you, wonderful you.

Governor Andrew Cuomo has a really big problem. The sexual harassment investigation has come to an end and the Attorney General has concluded that he used his power to force himself on 11 women who worked in his New York office, intimidating them into submission, breaking both state and federal laws. Investigators spoke to 179 people and reviewed more than 74,000 pieces of evidence. The investigation revealed “a deeply disturbing, yet clear picture” of Cuomo’s alleged criminal sexual harassment of employees. He’s pulling a page out of Trump’s playbook and denying it all. I’m not the problem. YOU’RE the problem. You all have perceived me wrong.

If Andrew Cuomo thinks that Dems will have his back like the repugs had Trump’s, or Matt Gaetz’s, or Gym Jordan’s, or Brett Kavanaugh’s, he is mistaken. If they turned their backs on Al Franken over stuff he did as a comedian, and for putting his arm around a farmer’s wife for a photo at the state fair while he was senator, they sure as hell won’t back Cuomo for trying to get young staffers on their backs.

Joe Biden has called upon Andrew Cuomo to resign.

“Democrats reject abusers and harassers. Republicans reelect them” — Jeff Tiedrich

A 22 year old spoiled rich kid, Max Berry, got violent and belligerent on a Frontier flight — a problem for every passenger and flight attendant on the plane. After sexually assaulting 2 flight attendants and punching another, they duct taped him to his seat and taped his mouth shut. He was taken into police custody after they landed in Miami but Frontier suspended the crew! WTF? They solved the problem and kept that guy from hurting anybody else!

The Senate finally voted to award congressional medals to officers who saved their lives on January 6. All it took was 2 of them killing themselves on the same day to make such a save face gesture.

Biden expanded the moratorium on evictions for some areas, thanks in great part to the attention Congresswoman Cori Bush was able to get for the cause by camping out at the Capitol. Republicans accused her of political theatre. It wasn’t theatre. It was a re-enactment. Cori has been homeless. She, along with other reps and homeless activists sat on the steps with sleeping bags for 5 days to shed light on the national emergency to get media coverage so powerful people would be pressured into acting and it worked. The crisis goes beyond more people having to live in the streets in the richest country in the world. Covid will get worse if displaced Americans are forced to move in with family members, friends or communal housing, exposing themselves and roommates to the disease. Covid spreads fast in close quarters. That’s a huge problem on top of another huge problem.

A sitting US congresswoman stayed up all night for 3 nights on the steps of the most powerful institution in the world because she couldn’t sleep. She wasn’t allowed to because it’s against the law. The cops would run her off just like they do everywhere else. No place to live? Not our problem.

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!

For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.

For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.

The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.