Not My Problem

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 7, 2020

Republicans have been holding Flori-duh up as a model state for how its handling the spread of the coronavirus, pointing to faulty data put out by the state, and cheering Governor Rick DeSantis who, like the president, minimizes, dismisses, and outright lies about the danger everybody is in. The coronavirus is not a problem. The coronavirus is not my problem.

Doral, Florida has seen a 90% increase in the number of coronavirus patients being hospitalized in the past 13 days and Trump is supposed to go there later this week to be briefed on drug trafficking (here we go again with the Mexicans…….immigrants are the problem!)

Governor DeSantis says schools must open in the fall. More than 7,000 kids in Florida have tested positive for the coronavirus SO FAR. That’s a problem.

Trump wants schools open in the fall but not polling places.

ICE says that if international students don’t take classes in person in the fall then they’ll have to get the hell out.

A racist told a family of Asian Americans to leave the country while sitting in a restaurant in Carmel, California. His name is Michael Lofthouse and he is the CEO of a tech company in San Francisco called Solid 8. He is an immigrant from England. The server of the restaurant got in his maskless face and threw his British ass out. Mr. Solid Hate has a real problem.

Mike Pompeo says the US is thinking of banning TikTok and other Chinese social media apps because…….well because Trump is pissed off at the TikTok teens for punking and making fun of him.

Trump has so many problems. That guy. Oh gawd, that guy.

Russia loving Senator Ron Johnson says we can’t trust communist China. Republicans are saying “communist” before they say China so MAGAs think communist communist communist whenever they think of China. Then whenever they see anybody Asian they’ll think they’re Chinese and attack them when they’re minding their own business, like eating a meal in a restaurant. Ron Johnson also thinks that the US has overreacted to the coronavirus pandemic.

Senator Chuck Grassley, 86, won’t be attending the Republican National Convention next month in Florida because he’s scared of the coronavirus. Senator Lamar Alexander, 80, won’t be going either but not because he’s really old and afraid of dying all alone in the ICU in excruciating pain, but because he wants to give his seat to a delegate so they can enjoy the privileges he has had. Problem? What problem?

The mayor of Atlanta, Keisha Lance Bottoms, has tested positive for the coronavirus.

Stephen Miller’s young sadistic, heartless bride, Katie Miller (a match made in hell) said this about her role in sending migrant children to camps, traumatizing them for life and orphaning some: “My family and colleagues told me that when I have kids I’ll think about the separations differently. But I don’t think so…..DHS sent me to the border to see the separations for myself — to try to make me more compassionate — but it didn’t work.”

Katie Miller doesn’t think that the humanitarian crisis at the border is her problem. Worse, if you think what she is doing is cruel and un-American, then YOU have the problem.

Tucker Carlson accused Senator Tammy Duckworth, a veteran who lost her legs in Iraq while serving her country, of not loving her country.

Trump isn’t going after Russia for putting bounties on our troops’ heads, he’s going after the leakers who let the media know about it.

A federal judge has ordered the Dakota Access Pipeline to shut down and remove all oil within 30 days. This is a huge win for the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe and a problem for greedy rich polluters.

Mitch McConnell’s wife’s family shipping business received $350,000 in PPP money. As much as $273 million went to more than 100 companies that are owned or operated by major donors to Trump’s campaign. This money was intended to keep small businesses from going out of business. Small businesses have a problem. They’re going out of business.

McDonald’s paid its shareholders nearly $1 billion last month but it’s employees don’t earn a living wage and if they get sick with the coronavirus, they either show up to work anyway or stay home without pay. That’s a problem.

Governor Cuomo has issued a travel advisory to people from states with surging infection rates. If you want to go to New York, you’ll have to self quarantine for 2 weeks.

50,000 more people tested positive for the coronavirus and Trump could care less. Governor Cuomo has asked Trump to do one simple thing — admit that the coronavirus exists and that it is a problem.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.