Nut Jobs

Spike Dolomite
5 min readNov 17, 2022

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The Republicans hit the necessary 218 to take control of the House. Kevin McCarthy was elected Speaker after being challenged by nut job Andy Biggs. He spent time with nut case Marjorie Taylor Greene behind closed doors to offer her a few nuts for her case. It worked because she left their private meeting and told the press that she supported McCarthy. A QAnon nut case who accomplished absolutely nothing in her first 2 years in Congress except for making news for being a nut case will be shadow speaker and McCarthy will spend the next 2 years doling out nuts.

Marjorie Taylor Greene’s sidekick, Matt Gaetz, went on record a few days ago by saying he knew at least 5 people who would rather be water boarded by Liz Cheney than vote for Kevin McCarthy for Speaker and that even though he made promises to Marjorie Taylor Greene, he will turn on her faster than you can say Jewish space laser. He took it back soon after and cancelled his RSVP to Trump’s presidential announcement at the MAGA nut case fun house, Mar-a-Lago.

Mitch McConnell, who had previously said he would retire if the Democrats won, took it back and won re-election after being challenged by creepy Rick Scott who isn’t a nut job, just a slithering, coniving, one percenter who ripped off Medicare and the Republican party. McConnell may have retained power as minority leader, but he’s lost power because he has lost allies. His friends that he’s had for decades are gone so he’s on his own now to try and keep the nut cases in line. He won’t be able to crack the whip on Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Josh Hawley, etc, like he used to which means he needs Kirsten Sinema and Joe Manchin more than ever. Raphael Warnock must win in the Georgia run off in 19 days so that Sinema and Manchin lose power. If the Democrats have 51 seats, Mitch McConnell loses power. He won’t have to be considered anymore if things aren’t tied. Dems will have greater control over committees. They’ll have subpoena power and can make quicker confirmation of judges which have already broken records — Biden’s appointees are 2/3 women, 1/2 POC, and all progressive. The total amount is a record too — 83. In contrast, Trump appointed 51 and Obama 42 in their first 2 years. They’ll be able to balance out the religious nuts that McConnell has gotten appointed and retard the gains made by white supremacists.

“McConnell is the last priest of a dying religion.” — Rick Wilson

Since neither candidate got to 50% in the Senate race in Georgia, Raphael Warnock, the sitting senator who followed in the footsteps of Martin Luther King Jr. as pastor of his church, who graduated cum laude from Morehouse College, has a bachelor’s degree in psychology, a master’s degree in divinity, a master’s degree in philosophy, and a Ph.D. in philosophy, has to face off with semi-literate, mentally ill, violent hypocrite, nut case Herschel Walker, a former college football star who recently said on the campaign trail, “Vampires are cool people, are they not? A werewolf can kill a vampire, did you know that? I never knew that. So I don’t want to be a vampire anymore, I want to be a werewolf.” He also said that Obama should go back to where he came from and that he’d put his resume up against his any day. He usually does interviews with a Republican senator sitting right next to him so they can elbow him when he says things like, “Do you know we’re the greatest country in the United States?” and “If we was ready for the green agenda, I’d raise my hand right now. But we’re not ready right now. What we need to do is keep having those gas-guzzling cars, ’cause we got the good emissions under those cars.”

Pastor Jamal Bryant of Georgia took Herschel Walker and his white handlers to church in his sermon a couple of weeks ago when he said that the GOP of Georgia moved Herschel Walker from Texas to Georgia to be their black boy. They weren’t prepared for a Black man and Jewish man to go to the Senate at the exact same time so they picked someone they thought would represent black people better so they picked someone with a football instead of one with a degree in philosophy. They think black people are so slow and stupid that they would elect the lowest caricature of a stereotypical broken black man as opposed to someone who is educated. Since Herschel Walker was 16 years old, the white man has been telling him what to do, what school to go to, where to live, where to eat, where to buy a house, where to run, where to sit down, where to sleep, where to pay for abortions, and where to buy a gun. And you think he won’t tell him how to vote? We can think for ourselves, function for ourselves and vote for ourselves. We don’t need a Walker, we need a runner!

The second woman to say that Herschel Walker pressured her into having an abortion 30 years ago (while he was married) did an on camera ABC News interview to say that Walker threatened her. He told her that if she didn’t have the abortion that she wouldn’t be safe and neither would the child. Anti-abortion PACs spent $1.1 million backing Walker before the midterms and another anti-abortion group is spending $1 million to help him win in the run off.

88% of evangelicals voted for Walker over Warnock, a Christian minister, in the midterms.

Trump has a new grift for his nut job followers. He sent out an emergency fundraising email on behalf of Herschel Walker with a link that takes you to a site to donate to Walker’s campaign only 90% of it goes to Trump.

Ivanka announced on Instagram that while she loves her father she will no longer be involved in politics. She wore a blue dress to her sister Tiffany’s wedding at Mar-a-Lago over the weekend that is an exact replica of the dress Gace Kelly wore in To Catch a Thief.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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