OBAMAGATE!

Spike Dolomite
3 min readMay 14, 2020

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The FBI showed up at Republican Senator Richard Burr’s house and seized his phone. As chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee he got insider information about what was coming with the coronavirus and then promptly unloaded stock that was going to plummet as a result of the virus. That’s illegal and he got caught. What’s worse is he’s been out there saying the coronavirus is no big deal as dead bodies keep piling up.

The “Michigan Liberty Militia” assembled in front of the state capitol for a “re-open” assembly. The gun nuts in their tactical gear and big guns say they are there to keep the peace.

A pack of unmasked gun nuts stood outside a tattoo shop to stand guard in Texas. The shop defied the lockdown and re-opened early so big fat, impotent white guys seized on the opportunity to make a political statement — fuck everybody but us.

The mask is now seen as a libtard symbol by MAGAs.

The virus is illuminating political party values — the Dems are for public health and human life and the GOP is for making money.

OBAMAGATE!

Trump disagrees with Dr. Fauci about states not rushing to re-open. Nonsense! Trump knows more than doctors and scientists and he says everybody needs to get back to work.

Trump says kids need to go back to school because there is “bedlam” in the “streets.” Um, there isn’t anybody in the streets except for unmasked, big fat, impotent white guys carrying guns, bitching about tattoos and haircuts.

So it’s safe for kids to go back to school, but prison is not safe for Paul Manafort and Rick Gaetz. The prison system is beholden to Barr and Trump too.

Fox News doesn’t like Dr. Fauci either. They don’t think anybody should listen to him because he wasn’t elected.

Judge Sullivan has appointed a retired judge to argue against the government’s motion to dismiss the charge against Mike Flynn which pisses Fox off. Tucker Carlson called Judge Sullivan ignorant and Judge Jeanine called on him to recuse himself.

Trump moved the goal post again for the projected death count from the Trump Plague. It’s now 100,000 which is a winning number.

OBAMAGATE!

The sitting president is calling for the imprisonment of his prior and current opponents, and his predecessor IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA and nobody is doing anything about it.

Immunologist and whistleblower Dr. Rick Bright will appear before the House Energy and Commerce Committee to warn Congress that we face the “darkest winter in modern history” because the coronavirus is rebounding.

OBAMAGATE!

A federal appeals court revived a lawsuit seeking to block Trump’s DC hotel from accepting payments from foreign and state governments. The court refused to dismiss the suit that accuses Trump of illegally profiting from foreign and state government patrons.

OBAMAGATE!

3 million more people have applied for unemployment making the total number of unemployed in Trump’s America $36 million.

OBAMAGATE!

Now that Trump has got the Center for Disease Control keeping information from the public, he now has the Federal Drug Administration doing his dirty work for him too. The FDA is signing off on refrigerator trucks to be used to transport food after they have been used to store dead bodies. There aren’t any regulations for cleaning up the bodily fluids and virus, just recommendations.

OBAMAGATE!

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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