Off The Wall

Trump is off the wall again, threatening to shut the government down again unless the Democrats give him his wall.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Senator Jerry Moran of Kansas met with some constituents at a library in the most educated, bluest part of the state. He took some heat. They wanted to know why he went to Russia on July 4th, why he never criticizes Trump, why he doesn’t support impeachment, why he goes along with everything Trump does and says, and why he won’t support single payer health care. Afterwards, he told a reporter covering the event that he wasn’t surprised by the crowd. People will be different in another part of the state on a different day, depending on what’s being reported in the news. He blamed the liberals and fake news without actually saying he blamed the liberals and fake news. He should be safe everywhere else. The rest of the state is loyal to Dear Leader and the party. He won’t be asked the same questions when he goes to other towns. They won’t meet in a library, either.

Corey Lewandowski has issued Trump’s base a warning: The country will ‘go backwards’ if the Democrats take back the House and you know what that means — those filthy, immigrant loving, black lives matter, union defending, friends of the gays, baby killing, gun hating liberal atheists are going to make immigrant bashing, black lives don’t matter, gay hating, zygote loving/kid hating, gun nuttery, Bible thumping conservatism not so great again.

One of Corey Lewandowski’s meal tickets, Leading Authorities, Inc, a Washington DC top speaker bureau, dumped him because he’s such a jerk. Nobody wants to listen to him “Womp womp” anymore.

NRA mistress of the dark Dana Loesch looks pretty haggard these days. She must not be getting much sleep. What could be keeping her awake at night?

The Trump campaign has been having a company in China manufacture “Trump 2020 Keep America Great” banners since March. They don’t know anything about it, of course.

Trump devotees are going to have to pay more for their MAGA hats because of Trump’s tariffs.

Beto O’Rourke’s grassroots campaign is killing it in Texas! His logo is black and white, not the traditional blue, because he wants people to vote for him, not “the Democrat.” His campaign is being financed by small donations by real people, not big money from anti-people. He has been to all 254 counties in Texas, which nobody has ever done before (even the hard core little conservative towns that liberals generally get chased out of,) he’s young and makes great use of the latest technology, engaging millennials, he likes and respects immigrants and campaigns in Spanish. His kids go to public school, he exercises every day and doesn’t eat poor people for breakfast like his opponent so he always has plenty of energy. He’s already representing El Paso in Congress so he’s broken in, and he was in a punk rock band. Punk. He is everything that Ted Cruz isn’t.

Determined not to be outdone by Trump on Twitter, Mike Huckabee tweeted this: “I was just placed on a flight out of the country. I’m being deported tonight by ICE! Didn’t know a citizen could be. Not worried though. I’ll lay low for a few days overseas and come back in through CA. They won’t check me and heck they will even let me vote!”

No wonder Sarah is so cruel and humorless.

Trump is “saving” the farmers right after they started feeling the sting of Trump’s trade war. Meanwhile, people are still living in tents in Puerto Rico. All they got were paper towels.

Trumpty Dumpty is back on his imaginary wall again, tweeting up a shit storm, freaking out about what’s next. I’ll shut down the government! That’s it! I’ll shut the whole thing down! I can do that, right? I’ll blame the Democrats and the Republicans will go along with it because I am the King! I can do anything I want!

“Are we gonna spend September trying to figure out which party is shutting the government down even though they run all branches of government, or are we going to remember that the President literally announced that he wants to do it?” Senator Brian Schatz, Hawaii

Trump has tweeted about Robert Mueller 22 times. 16 of those tweets were in the past 2 months. 7 were in the past week. 3 were yesterday. We’re getting closer, folks. The wall will come tumbling down.

Paul Manafort’s trial starts this week so be prepared for Trump to be extra obnoxious to get the media to cover his freak outs instead of Manafort. He is going to pull out all stops this week and will throw everything at the wall, starting with his stupid wall, to keep the media busy and not focused on Manafort.

Keep the media busy by being off the wall. That’s Trump’s goal this week.

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ACTION ITEM FOR TODAY: Voter rolls are being purged in multiple states. Our constitutional right for fair democratic elections is under attack. Check to see that your name has not been dropped from the voter rolls every week until election day and make sure your friends and family do it too.

Send Beto O’Rourke twenty bucks!



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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.