Off to the Races

Spike Dolomite
5 min readAug 27, 2020

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The MAGA cult is radicalized, weaponized and activated. Kyle Rittenhouse, a 17 year old white supremacist who was part of an online Facebook militia group called Kenosha Guard responded to a “call to arms” and made a 30 minute drive from his house in Illinois to cross the state line to get to Kenosha, Wisconsin with an AR-15 so he could restore law and order (shoot liberals.) He shot 3 protesters, killing 2. Before he started shooting, the cops gave him a high five and a bottle of water and thanked him for being there. He was too young to open carry but the cops didn’t inquire. After he shot people ON CAMERA, people screamed at the cops that he just shot people and the cops ignored them. Where was he radicalized? In his room at his mom and dad’s house while watching InfoWars and listening to the president of the United States. The chief of police blamed the victims. He said they wouldn’t be dead if they weren’t out after curfew. Kyle was a minor out after curfew too but whatever.

Kyle Rittenhouse was in the front row of a Trump rally in January. He posted a TikTok of himself there. Most 17 year olds obsessively post selfies of themselves to show off their perfect, enviable lives. Kyle posted himself at a MAGA rally. He is the same age that Trayvon Martin was when someone just like him took matters into his own hands and shot and killed Trayvon point blank while he was on his back. Kyle wasn’t an immigrant, a member of the nonexistent Antifa, a Muslim terrorist, a MS-13 gang banger or black crack head. He was a homegrown White boy terrorist whose parents were no doubt members of the Trump cult.

3 days ago the Republicans took a white couple who pointed guns at black protesters and put them on TV as second amendment heroes.

“What stake does a white 17 year old from Illinois have in ‘protecting the streets of Kenosha,’ other than the opportunity to fulfill the gun cult fantasy of hunting Black people? Law and order? The protection of property? Bullshit.” — Andy Richter

Fox News host Tucker Carlson praised Kyle for what he did — “How shocked are we that 17 year olds with rifles decided they had to maintain order when no one else would?”

Ann Coulter tweeted that she wished Kyle was her president.

Trump is excited because now he gets to send his secret police to Kenosha on the last night of HIS convention. What luck! That is going to make great TV!

“The culprit in Kenosha is not just the one boy who pulled the trigger. It’s every single vigilante who thought they should ride out heavily armed. It’s every cop who permitted them and even collaborated with them. It’s every politician who did nothing.” — Joshua Potash

LeBron James got a million likes for this tweet: FUCK THIS MAN!!!! WE DEMAND CHANGE. SICK OF IT. The Milwaukee Bucks boycotted their NBA playoff game against the Orlando Magic to protest the cops in their state shooting another unarmed black man. Other teams followed. There were no NBA games last night.

As the country burned, drowned, starved, and died from infectious disease, Jared Kushner stood outside of the White House this morning to talk to the press about basketball. “NBA players are very fortunate that they have the financial position where they’re able to take a night off from work without having to have the consequences to themselves financially.”

BLM protests have been going on all across the country nonstop since George Floyd was murdered. The media got bored with it. The NBA players have put the movement back into the headlines.

Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of Colin Kaepernick taking a knee.

LA Clippers basketball coach Doc Rivers had something to say about another black man getting shot by the cops in Trump’s America — “All you hear is Donald Trump and all of them talking about fear. We’re the ones getting killed. We’re the ones getting shot. … It’s amazing why we keep loving this country and this country does not love us back.” 23 years ago Doc Rivers’ home in San Antonio was burned down by racist arsonists.

Trump lover, self proclaimed protector of “toxic masculinity,” Christian and has been baseball player Aubrey Huff tweeted that Kyle Rittenhouse is a national treasure.

While the nation screamed and cried and grieved over black people continually getting murdered, the Republicans continued to scare the crap out of its base during the third night of their racist convention. MAKE AMERICA WHITE AGAIN! Southern belle Senator Marsha Blackburn bragged about her father, Hilman Wedgeworth, being a “volunteer sheriff” in Mississippi during the post WWII era. He was deputized to lead a lynch mob. He was a MEMBER OF THE KKK and the Republican base loves it.

Mike Pence said in his forgettable convention speech that the violence must stop. By violence he means the “looters,” not the cops.

Today is the last day of the Trump National Convention. Trump had extra fencing put up around the White House on top of the 2 existing layers of fencing he had put up after his secret police shot and gassed Americans protesting white supremacy so he could get a selfie of himself with a Bible in front of a church.

68 days until we get to vote.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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