Oh Look — Trump’s Mouth is Shut

Spike Dolomite
4 min readApr 17, 2024

Trump is not in court today because Wednesdays are their day off. They’re moving fast. They’ve already selected 7 jurors from the first batch and a fresh new set of 96 prospects are going to be screened next.

On the second day of jury selection Trump tried to intimidate one potential juror and the judge caught him and ripped him a new one so he had to shut his big fat mouth and quit staring at her.

Trump’s stink eye really stinks. He smells.

He fell asleep again. And farted, too (or pooped his diaper, nobody knows, but ewwww that smell).

Social media posts of potential jurors were projected on a screen to eliminate people for obvious bias. Humiliating memes and posts were shown, one right after the other, right in front of Trump’s Bully the Clown face. He had to sit there and be quiet as he watched people make fun of him and talk about how much they hated him. He had to sit and take it and keep his mouth shut for over an hour. It must have been pure hell for him. He has such thin skin and he couldn’t insult anybody back. Or give them the stink eye.

Shut your mouth, wake up, and shut your butthole, please. The People can’t breathe.

Trump is using the cameras outside the courthouse to campaign. The DA won’t be countering anything he says after he says it because they don’t do that kind of thing. They work inside the courthouse. Trump’s reliance on “all press is good press” may have worked his whole life but this time it could hurt him. He can’t do his MAGA stump speech and far fewer media outlets are covering every little thing he says and does. FINALLY.

Illegitimate media outlets like Fox are covering the jury selection process as if it was the persecution of a sitting king when in fact it’s as boring and ordinary a process as any other jury selection. The only thing that’s a little bit different is that potential jurors are being asked if they have anything at home with Trump’s name on it, if they support the Proud Boys or Oath Keepers, if they believe in QAnon, and where they get their news from (they want to know if they watch Fox).

Other questions lawyers could ask to find out if anybody is insane are, “Is there an altar in your home with Trump on the cross?”, “Have you ever put Clorox up your butt?”, “How many dinosaurs came over on the Mayflower?”, and “Have you ever stalked a Democrat?”

Clay Travis, a sports caster on Fox, tweeted to his followers that if they live in Manhattan and got a jury summons to show up and lie about being a MAGA so they can get on the jury and vote not guilty to hang the jury. That’s a crime. Clay Travis is the guy who went on a pudding strike because he couldn’t get NFL Sunday Ticket when he lived in the Virgin Islands. He ate nothing but pudding for 50 days until he could get Direct TV to give him the NFL Sunday package. When he talks about the Trump Organization fraud case, he refers to fraud as bookkeeping misdemeanors.

Remember that this case was first taken up by the Southern District of New York soon after Trump became president. Preet Bharara was the US Attorney in 2017. Trump fired him 3 months into his presidency because he wasn’t MAGA. Geoffrey Berman was appointed to be the interim US Attorney. Berman was Rudy Giuliani’s law partner so Trump assumed he was MAGA. He thought he found a buddy in Berman but it didn’t work out that way. Berman was chosen to oversee cases that Trump and Jared Kushner had business holdings in as well as the Stormy Daniels case. He refused to cooperate with the Trump crime family so Bill Barr got involved. He tried convincing him to drop the case against Trump which had advanced to include money laundering and bank fraud and when he refused, Barr fired him 5 months before the 2020 election and forced him to say he resigned. Berman was also working on other cases at the time of people close to Trump plus the Jeffrey Epstein case (fun fact — Bill Barr had worked at the same law firm that Epstein used to defend him in the case that Berman was prosecuting). Geoffrey Berman went on to write a tell all book.

The “hush money” case started with the Mueller investigation. The catch and kill scheme where two women were bought off not to talk was one of the first things Mueller investigated. Bill Barr quashed the investigation. After Berman got fired the case got handed off to DA Cyrus Vance who then passed it off to Alvin Bragg. It’s been almost 8 years since the commission of these crimes and now we’re finally here. Trump is sitting in a New York courtroom and he has to keep his big mouth shut.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.