Old Faithful

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 21, 2021

Mike Pence got heckled when he spoke at the super conservative Faith and Freedom Coalition summit. The crowd chanted “traitor!” When you’re a Republican and you’ve lost the old and the faithful…..

The latest BS coming out of the far right conspiracy chamber is being peddled by Tucker Carlson alone. He’s telling his old faithful viewers that FBI operatives attacked the Capitol. Not a single other news outlet is reporting it. If it was true it would be on all news networks 24/7 but it’s not. It’s only swirling in the Fox News old white people toilet. The FBI did it.

First the repugs tried to claim that the violent mob that attacked the Capitol was Antifa impersonating Trump supporters. Then they said they were just ordinary tourists. Now they want people to believe they were working for the FBI. No matter how outrageous and improbable, their old faithful voters will believe it because they’ll believe anything.

“These guys can’t even get their false flags straight. Maybe they can hire OJ Simpson to find the real insurrectionists.” — Jim Acosta

MAGAs keep saying they’ve got proof that Trump is still president but not a single one of them has shown any proof of that proof. They’re going on faith.

Released body cam video shows a retired NYPD officer, Thomas Webster, charging through metal barricades and attacking police with a flagpole during the Capitol riot. Was that old, faithful cop working for the FBI?

The FBI is asking the insurrectionists in custody if they know any members of Congress. The FBI doesn’t ask questions they don’t know the answers to so that means they’re investigating members of Congress. How faithful are these guys? Lying about not knowing members of Congress is another crime.

One of the members of the Proud Boys who got arrested is facing several charges, one of which is terrorism. Will he remain faithful to the Proud Boys and the repugs they take their orders from or will he squeal like a baby to save his own butt?

One of the guys who got arrested for beating a female cop unconscious at the Capitol, Ryan Samsel, has a 15 year history of domestic violence. He likes to choke women until they lose consciousness, rape them, beat them, and kidnap them. He choked his pregnant girlfriend and threw her into a canal. Does he work for the FBI?

Church membership has dropped to below 50% after the Republicans ruined Christianity for people. People are losing their religion. Those who are left are hard core weirdos who the Republicans have convinced are being persecuted by the Democrats. The faithful of the most dominant religion in America believe they are oppressed.

“It’s not easy to be a Christian in America today but luckily there are people like Franklin Graham to make it virtually impossible.” — Jim Gaffigan

Republicans use the Bible as a weapon and God as a mascot.

US Catholic bishops are using the eucharist as a political tool by turning communion into an earned benefit by denying Catholic politicians, including President Joe Biden, the holy sacrament because they are more faithful to protecting American citizens from church in state than they are to upholding a state church, but priests raping little kids is perfectly fine.

Abortion fun fact: Abortion didn’t start 50 years ago. It just became legal 50 years ago. Before Roe v Wade, Republicans’ mistresses got abortions and so did Catholics. If Roe v Wade is ever overturned, they’ll still get their abortions.

Another abortion fun fact: Abortion is not a casual thing or the preferred method of birth control used by the libs. Democrats who fight to protect Roe v Wade aren’t pro-abortion, they’re pro-choice. Some are even personally against it, like Joe Biden. They’re not fighting for sex without consequence, they’re fighting to keep government out of the bedroom, family planning, and a woman’s right to control her own future.

Trump is endorsing Lisa Murkowski’s opponent, Kelly Tshibaka because she has a great rack.

Joe Biden is sincere in his faith and doesn’t wave it around like Republicans do. Him starting his day at mass or in meditative prayer is going to be good for us because the rest of his day will be focused on doing the moral, right thing. He’s the right kind of Christian who keeps his faith so he can keep his faith in everything else, including America.

Donald Trump and the Republicans, on the other hand, are doing the Christian devil’s work.

“What in his life suggests Donald J. Trump has ever been moved by ‘love of country,’ ‘devotion to family,’ or ‘profound faith?’ What he has shown is an ability to take advantage of millions of Americans for whom these qualities are real.” — Bill Kristol

Trump must be charged and face prosecution for his many crimes. In order to fully heal and restore faith in our system, he must be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.