On This Day
On this day, Republican Congressman from New York, Chris Collins, was arrested by the FBI on insider trading charges. He was one of the first members of Congress to kiss Trump’s butt. Top of the day to you!
Trump’s former personal attorney, Michael Cohen, is under investigation for tax fraud.
Trump’s education secretary, Betsy DeVos, hasn’t been paying the state of Michigan taxes on her yacht(s.) What else hasn’t she been paying taxes on? Oh please oh please oh please let Betsy DeVos be arrested for tax evasion ON THIS DAY.
Trump’s campaign aide, Rick Gates, had to testify on the stand that he not only ripped people off WITH Trump’s campaign manager, Paul Manafort, but he also ripped Paul Manafort off, putting to rest the old assumption that there is honor among thieves.
Paul Manafort’s accountant was fired after she testified that she cooked the books.
The NRA says its broke but it’s going to go ahead and spend $1 million on ads to get Brett Kavanaugh confirmed. Where is that $1 million coming from? Oh please oh please oh please can we find out ON THIS DAY?
Senator Rand Paul delivered a letter from Trump to Putin’s administration during his recent visit to Russia. The letter says Trump would like to get together (on a number of issues.)
Asbestos is back!
Jared Kushner’s family business is about to get bailed out by the Qataris just in time for Jared to unveil his Middle East peace plan.
Paul Ryan admitted that he couldn’t win a pissing match with Trump so he doesn’t even try. It’s not because Ryan’s prostate is younger than Trump’s. It’s because Ryan is weak and guilty of something so he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself by doing his job. America would really like to know what Paul Ryan is guilty of ON THIS DAY.
Republican hypocrite fun fact: Trump hasn’t given Michael Avenatti a nickname.
Paul Manafort was so broke he maxed out his credit cards and couldn’t pay his health insurance. That’s the only thing he has in common with ordinary Americans.
Marco Rubio has come up with a plan to fund family leave with Social Security. So if you need to take time off from work to take care of a sick family member, you can dip into your Social Security which means you’ll get less when you’re old and sick and need your Social Security.
Rural America has the fewest number of immigrants yet they rate immigration as their number one issue. Because every day is 1950 in rural America.
Trump is on an 11 day vacation.
The Ohio special election for a House seat that’s been in Republican hands for three decades was too close to call last night. The Democrat, Danny O’Connor, could have won, if it weren’t for the symbolic votes of the self righteous anti-government Green Party voters. Nothing says “I live in a naïve, self-centered, irresponsible white privileged bubble and I like good pot” than voting with the Green Party when your democracy is dangling by a thread. The guy running on the Green Party ticket is an old hippy who can’t even remember his website address. But he won’t take corporate money! Pass the ganga. It’s going to be a great day!
Beto O’Rourke is closing in on Ted Cruz in Texas. Cruz has asked for the king’s help. He has asked Trump to campaign for him. Never mind that he insulted his wife and accused his father of killing JFK. On this day, sucking up is of paramount importance for we must win, win, WIN!!!!!
“If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you” — Republican Senator Lindsey Graham
“I like Ted Cruz more than most of my other colleagues like Ted Cruz. And I hate Ted Cruz”– Former Democratic Senator Al Franken
On this day in 1974, Richard Nixon resigned the presidency.
ACTION ITEM FOR THIS DAY: Call your congress member and say you want Trump impeached today. Call your senators and say do not let Kavanaugh get confirmed. Trump can’t appoint anyone to the Supreme Court when he is under criminal investigation.