On Your Own

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 16, 2020

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A woman from Wuhan, the place where the coronavirus all started but also the place that now has it under control, went to Florida to visit family and got the virus. She says that China is battling one pandemic, whereas in America each state, community and person is fighting their own. You’re on your own.

Trump is feebly still trying to brand the Trump Plague as the China Virus and a handful of feeble old white male Republicans are still going along with it. They’re on their own. Other Republicans are quietly slinking away. He’s going to end up cancelling his August rally (AKA the GOP national convention) because more and more Republicans aren’t planning on attending. They’re leaving him on his own.

We’re running out of body bags. Hospitals are on their own.

The first governor has come down with the coronavirus — Governor Kevin Stitt of Oklahoma has tested positive. He’s the guy who posted a picture of himself with his 2 young sons at a packed family restaurant where he intended to own the libs who were complying with stay at home orders way back in March. He was at the Tulsa rally. He’s against mandating masks. Oklahoma is not OK.

Trump’s former White House doctor, Ronny Jackson, just won the Texas GOP runoff for Congress. He says masks are a “personal choice.” A Republican doctor says masks are optional during a pandemic because rugged individualism is for science denying, me first Republicans only.

1/3 of all kids who have been tested in Florida tested positive. Poor kids, they’re on their own because Florida is on its own. It has captured the world’s attention for being the dumbest, most sadistic state in the nation. AGAIN!

The first case of an unborn baby with the coronavirus has been reported.

Autistic kids are really suffering. Online learning doesn’t work for them. They need the structure of a classroom and once in the classroom, they can’t tolerate being told to wear masks.

25% of the cases in the world are in the southern red states of the US. Since they already won the prize for having the worst health care and education systems in the country they were ready and waiting for becoming the festering infestation of an out of control cretin disease. Now would be the perfect time to let them secede. Go ahead and do it. And build a wall. They can keep Trump for he is the president of the confederacy anyway. You’re on your own!

All of the time spent in quarantine has been squandered because the federal government didn’t use that time to get ahead of the spread, strategize and prepare. On top of that, science denying, Trump loving idiots refused to comply with CDC guidelines so here we are — in quicksand. It’s every man for himself now, the Republican motto. You’re on your own.

Trump has politicized the worst public health crisis in history. A few Republicans are feebly trying to blame Democrats for politicizing it but that’s backfiring because the virus could give a shit about who people voted for. Republicans are on their own. They own this.

The 132nd Tournament of Roses Parade has been cancelled for 2021 because of the Trump Plague. This is the first time in 75 years.

1.3 million Americans filed for first-time unemployment claims last week.

5.4 million people have lost their health insurance because their insurance was connected to their jobs.

1/3 of people missed their July rent or mortgage payment. 28–32 million people are in danger of being evicted.

Unemployment benefits run out at the end of July.

Get ready, everybody. We’re on our own.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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