Once a Republican Always a Republican

Spike Dolomite
4 min readDec 17, 2019

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Chuck Schumer made a really smart move and sent a letter to Mitch McConnell and released it to the press at the same time, summing up his requests for rules for a fair trial which included subpoenaing witnesses. He said he wanted to model the rules of the Trump impeachment trial using the same language used in the Clinton impeachment trial that Republicans created, the very resolutions that Mitch McConnell voted for in 1999. Well played, Chuck. 4 Republicans need to vote for the Clinton rules to make the trial fair so that Mitch the Bitch and Trump’s bitch, Lindsey Graham, can’t sabotage the proceedings and blow the whole thing off. Are there 4 Republicans who aren’t loyal to Moscow Mitch and Trump? Or will it be once a double dealer always a double dealer?

Once a Clinton hater always a Clinton hater. Clinton rules!

When a reporter asked Senator Richard Burr if he wanted Mick Mulvaney or John Bolton to testify in the Senate trial, he said “NO” and let the elevator doors shut in the reporter’s face. Richard Burr is one of the members of the Gang of Eight, leaders in Congress who are briefed on classified intelligence matters by the executive branch before anyone else knows (or ever knows.) He’s in the know and he’s still staying loyal to the party. Once you’re loyal to the party, you’re always loyal to the party. Never go against the party. It’s time for the Republicans to start wearing armbands.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Kentucky is one of the poorest states in the nation and its senator, Mitch McConnell, is one of the richest senators in the Senate. He’s had over 30 years to improve conditions in his state but instead he’s used the people of the state to vote for him so he can improve conditions for himself and the Republicans. History will record him as up there with Benedict Arnold — loyal to the party, but not to the country. Once a devious, conniving, traitor always a devious, conniving, traitor.

One of Trump’s many nemeses, Carly Fiorina who ran against him in the primary and had to endure the public humiliation of him insulting her for being a woman, has called for Trump’s impeachment. She wouldn’t say, however, if she’d vote for him in 2020. Once a Republican always a Republican.

5 senior aides to congressman Jeff Van Drew of New Jersey who switched from Democrat to Republican after talking to Trump resigned out of disgust. They couldn’t bear to work for a guy who came out as Republican. Guess he always was a Republican.

Trump has nullified Congress. The Attorney General Bill Barr defends Trump as being above the law. America is in deep shit. It wasn’t always in deep shit. Impeach Trump, Bill Barr, and vote all of the Republicans out of office, and we won’t be in deep shit anymore.

Supreme Court Justice, Neil Gorsuch, went on Fox and Friends this morning to pimp his new book because everybody in Trump’s orbit is for sale. Once a sell out always a sell out.

Trump held another Dear Leader Roundtable on camera and said that Rudy’s recent trip to Ukraine was done out of love.

Rudy Giuliani went on Laura Ingraham’s show and admitted, once again, that he had Marie Yovanovitch removed. “I didn’t need her out of the way, I forced her out because she’s corrupt.” Once a lying mobster, always a lying mobster.

Republican officials in Wisconsin and Georgia are rigging their elections by purging hundreds of thousands of voters from the rolls, targeting regions with the most Democratic voters. Wisconsin is set to purge 234,000 voters, 7% of electorate and Georgia is cancelling 300,000 registrations, 4% of electorate. Republicans can’t win if they don’t cheat. That’s why they’re all totally cool with Russia interfering with our elections. That, and most of them take money from Russia. Once cheating corrupt lying power hungry screw the people sleaze bag Republicans, always cheating corrupt lying power hungry screw the people sleaze bag Republicans.

Russian state media is laughing in Trump’s face, calling him a Moscow agent and saying he’ll need to flee to their country after leaving office. Once a Russian agent always a Russian agent.

Trump is quoting Fox News and whining about being treated unfairly on Twitter, like he does every day. Once a narcissistic sociopathic conman grifter man baby, always a narcissistic sociopathic conman grifter man baby.

“BREAKING! White Man In America Born Into Obscene Wealth And Handed Every Opportunity And Bailed Out Repeatedly By His Klansman Father And Allowed To Fail Upwards Forever Until He Fell Ass-Backwards Into the United States Presidency Says He Is Being Treated Unfairly” — Jeff Tiedrich

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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