One Nation Under God, Guns and Billionaires

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 5, 2021


For Independence Day weekend, the rest of the collapsed beachfront Surfside condo in Miami was demolished. Insurance companies notified owners of other condominiums 40 years or older in the area that they better provide proof that their buildings have passed all inspections or they will lose their coverage. Trump is fundraising off of the catastrophe in Surfside, of course. This was going down as gazillionaire Mark Zuckerberg filmed himself carrying an American flag blissfully riding a wakeboard. “Look at me now bitches in college who wouldn’t have sex with me! I’m king of the world!” The guy was oblivious to the optics of this self indulgent selfie. Joe Biden is still working his ass off pulling America up off of the cliff that Facebook pushed it over and Zuckerberg is showing off his flag and his money. He’s rich as fuck and everybody else is not. Happy 4th of July to ME!!!!!

While Zuckerberg dominates the water, Richard Branson wants to beat Jeff Bezos into space. Bored billionaires. As the earth becomes more and more uninhabitable due to climate change, a world wide pandemic and poverty, 2 guys with all the money are making a game out of escaping it. Something is seriously wrong when a couple of guys have so much money that they run out of things to blow it on.

A plane circled fake billionaire Trump’s MAGA July 4th weekend rally with a banner that read, “LOSER PALOOZA.” It was funny to everybody who wasn’t there. As the plane circled the stage, Trump bitched about his company being indicted and tried to make the crowd believe he doesn’t understand how taxes work but in 2017 he told the New York Times, “I know the details of taxes better than anybody. Better than the greatest CPA.” The crowd won’t make the connection. That’s not what they do.

2 of the cops who got attacked by Trump’s MAGA militia at the Capitol on January 6 are suing him for $375,000 each for inciting the riot that nearly got them killed.

The Gulf of Mexico is on fire. 726,000 barrels of crude per day are going up in flames, destroying the water, air and sea life because America is addicted to fossil fuels and a small group of rich people are addicted to the money they’re making off America’s addiction. It’s your birthday, America. Have some more oil. Go ahead, it won’t hurt you.

A heat storm has lit forests on fire in the Pacific Northwest and Canada.

Extreme heat is killing people who live in mobile homes in Arizona.

Pass the oil.

A heavily armed militia group that refers to themselves as foreign nationals, the “Moorish American Arms,” stopped traffic over the 4th of July weekend. They’re a religious sect that meets reguarly in their “temple” heavily armed. They display the Moroccan flag at their gatherings and on their verhicles. The flag was displayed on both their van and truck they were driving on their way to Maine from Rhode Island where they were going to train at a spooky gun nut militia camp. They stopped traffic in Massachusetts on an interstate not because it was a planned protest for Independence Day, but because they ran out of gas and were going to fill up on the side of the freeway with the gas that they had brought with them because they didn’t want to draw attention to themselves by refueling at a filling station. The cops showed up wondering what the hell they were doing. One guy used a megaphone to intimidate the cops and another told the cops that their detention violated an 18th century treaty between the US and Morocco. Then they ran for it. 2 towns were put on lock down after 11 heavily armed gun nuts ran from the cops in to the woods after notifying state troopers that they don’t abide by their laws (they don’t pay taxes, either.) The cops caught them all.

Somebody shot at an Alabama state senator’s home 23 times at 5 a.m. The senator’s name is Vivian Davis Figures and she’s a Democrat.

The media is focused on President Biden coming up short on his goal to have 70% of adults vaccinated by July 4. AH HA! It’s only 67%!!!! There were 192,292 new infections reported the day Joe Biden was sworn in. A week ago there were 13,265 cases. The media should be framing it that way. People were spending the 4th with their families like he said they could. Unfortunately, the hospitalizations will go back up again in a couple of weeks because the idiots who refuse to get vaccinated got drunk and lit bottle rockets in their butt cracks with other unvaccinated yahoos this weekend.

Hobby Lobby took out a full page ad over the July 4th weekend that said that America should be run by Christians.

Founding Fathers Fun Fact: They weren’t all Christians. They were Deists (their faith was based in reason and observation of the natural world to “prove” the existence of a Supreme Being or creator of the universe.) Their vision for the new world was go ahead and be a Christian, believe whatever you want, just believe it at home or your house of worship, not in government or an arts and crafts store.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.