Open Up, America

Trump took advantage of his daily propaganda TV time, compliments of the American media who keep airing his bullshit, to take ownership of the White House logo by branding it with a new slogan, “Opening Up America Again.” He made the announcement that he was going to open up the country again standing in front of the White House logo, flanked by two posters with his new campaign slogan. He claimed that the curve had flattened on the highest death toll count to date and as usual, his idiot groupies believed him and everybody else let him get away with it. As he used his power of the office to campaign on the taxpayer dime he told the press that he doesn’t’ really care about campaigning right now. He just wants to make the country better. He didn’t say make America Great Again.

It’s Opening Up America Again.

Open up, America. You’re being fed more bullshit.

Another slogan without a plan. New hats coming soon. Made in China, of course.

Most normal people have had enough of his bullshit and don’t tune in every day for his campaign speech/infomercial. A few others still watch but they have to take drugs.

“I need morphine to listen to this guy. I had a broken nose that was less painful than this.” — Will Burris

Speaking of opiates, Rush Limbaugh said, “Ok, this has gotta stop. This shutdown can’t continue. It doesn’t matter how many people die. 22 million people are unemployed. Enough! People have always died. We’ll adapt.”

TV doctors agree with Rush. Dr. Oz went on Sean Hannity’s show and said go ahead and send your kids to school because not that many will die — “Schools are a very appetizing opportunity. I just saw a nice piece in The Lancet arguing the opening of schools may only cost us 2 to 3%, in terms of total mortality. Any, you know, any life is a life lost, but … that might be a tradeoff some folks would consider.” Fox News turned to Dr. Phil for a second opinion because they don’t like what Dr. Fauci said about social distancing. Dr. Phil said state’s need to sacrifice some people so the rest of the people don’t get anxious and depressed because they’re stuck at home. We don’t shut the country down over car accidents and pool drownings.

“I’m scared of anyone who can make Dr Fauci touch his own face.” — Some guy on Twitter

Trump created another new task force to go along with his new campaign slogan. He’s put a team together to reopen the country. Mitt Romney is the only Republican senator who wasn’t invited. He put Senator Kelly Loeffler on, though, the senator who is under investigation for insider trading and profiting off of the coronavirus.

Speaking of Republican senators under investigation for insider trading and profiting off of the coronavirus, Richard Burr sold his DC townhouse to a donor and lobbyist who had a string of clients before Burr’s committee. They paid top dollar for it and it wasn’t even on the market. Huh. Burr literally sold his house to a lobbying firm for them to use as their Capitol Hill office.

Republican Congressman Matt Gaetz just got busted for renting office space from a donor pal at tax payer expense.

Millionaires, billionaires and Republicans are in a hurry to Open Up America Again because somebody has to make their money for them.

Speaking of millionaires, Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, who is worth $400 million and has 6 houses, says the $1200 that we’re all supposed to be getting should last us 10 weeks.

Gazillionaire Education Secretary Betsy DeVos did a folksy video on her phone from one of her many homes to give kids living in rural areas encouraging advice during these really scary times. If you don’t have internet access for remote learning you can live without it because millionaires, billionaires and Republicans don’t care about you. She said, “Distance learning can happen in a whole variety of ways, it can happen by going out in the woods behind your house.” In other woods, go play outside kids and if a bear comes along and tries to eat you, let it because only the richest survive. (DeVos Theory of Evolution.)

Trump laid off 560 employees at his Doral Resort. If he doesn’t Open Up America Again nobody will stay in his tacky, pretentious resorts.

US retail sales plunged 8.7% in March, the biggest decline ever. Individuals and small businesses haven’t seen their promised relief checks because the government is in complete chaos. The country is on the brink of another recession which means if you’re 40, this will be your third recession and the 1% doesn’t want you to figure out that you’re getting screwed by capitalism so you won’t start thinking that socialism is the better way to go. Food banks are running out of food. Trump is losing money.

That’s why Trump wants to Open Up America Again.

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!

For a copy of the Trump-Ukraine Impeachment Inquiry Report, click here.

For a copy of the Mueller Report, click here.

For a list of attorneys giving legal analysis about the imploding Trump presidency on Twitter, click here.

For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.

For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.

The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.