Paddy Wagon and the Baker’s Man

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMay 17, 2019


Bill Barr went on a propaganda tour and told Fox News and the very conservative Wall Street Journal that the government spied on citizens and now Trump is tweeting up a MAGA shit storm accusing law enforcement and security officials of treason. Congress, the media and the American public better not shrug this off as just another half baked rant. DO NOT EAT THE COOKIE.

The shit storm is just a joke to Bill Barr. He enjoys this. After stringing Congress along like a cocky teenager and yucking it up at Rod Rosenstein’s send off party, he ran into Nancy Pelosi and asked her if she brought her handcuffs. You can’t catch me I’m the Avengerbread Man!

An unredacted filing on Michael Flynn reveals communications (including a voicemail) of the Trump administration and someone in Congress interfering with the Mueller investigation, before and after his guilty plea. Say what?!!!! A member of Congress???? Does he know the Bluffin Man?

The Bluffin Man? The Bluffin Man!

The federal judge presiding over Michael Flynn’s case has ordered prosecutors to file transcripts with the court of Flynn’s conversations with Russian officials by May 31. He wants anything written about Flynn in the Mueller report unredacted and made public. He’s not bluffin, man.

The White House has created a complaint line for people to call in and report being censored on social media. “No matter your views, if you suspect political bias caused action to be taken against you, share your story with President Trump.” And fill out this form so we have your personal information so we can hit you up with fascist propaganda and ask for campaign contributions. Do you know the Bluffin Man? No? Thought so. You must be from Alabama.

KISS frontman Gene Simmons spoke at the Pentagon. What the hell was his brand doing mixing with Trump’s brand? Avengerman and the Bluffin Man at the Pentagon? He spoke from a podium that has not seen a press briefing in a year. Gene Simmons is the Trump of rock n roll — a conman with a gimmick band. Which came first? The insatiable desire to win, bamboozle and make tons of money or the guitar? The insatiable desire to win, bamboozle and make tons of money. The cookie doesn’t crumble on Gene Simmon’s floor. Crumbs are for suckers.

A 4th migrant child has died in US custody — a 2 year old baby from Guatemala who has been alone, without his parents, for 6 months.

Trump’s pick for ICE director, Mark Morgan, said he could look into the eyes of detained immigrant children and tell which ones would be MS-13 gang members in the future. Trump looked into Mark Morgan’s eyes and could see into his own future and said, “You’re hired. Here, have a cookie.”

Americans have been ordered out of the Iraqi embassy in case Trump starts a war with Iran.

Trump made almost a half a billion dollars last year. He was supposed to have divested from his business interests therefore any money he made should be considered a bribe. That alone should get him impeached but you’re going to have to catch the Avengerman first to do that.

What the fuck, Alabama? You pass a law that makes women the property of the state, forcing them to stay pregnant with very little health care for her and the baby (only half of the counties in the state have an obstetrician and the infant mortality rate is #4 in the country,) where she’ll be forced to deliver and care for a child even though she probably can’t afford it (Alabama has the 3rd highest rate of children living in poverty in the country) where the child will then grow up and be doomed to repeat the cycle over again because there is no sex education or any education for that matter — the state ranks 50th in education.

The grandparents of the so called pro-life Alabama legislators hunted black people down and hung them from trees, trapped freedom riders in buses and lit them on fire, blew up a church on Sunday morning to kill little black girls, elected the most racist Commissioner of Public Safety, Bull Connor, for 20 years who protected and enabled the KKK, and elected Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III as their senator for 20 years until he advanced on to be Trump’s attorney general so he could crack down on brown people coming over the border.

Boycotting Alabama won’t do any good since everybody stays clear of the state to begin with. The Gingerbread Man and the Muffin Man are THE Man and the sound of banjos can be heard everywhere.

The IRS and Treasury Department have a deadline of 5 pm today to hand over 6 years of Trump’s tax returns. They won’t so let’s deport them to America’s Siberia, Alabama.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.