Payback is a Bitch

Spike Dolomite
4 min readSep 8, 2019

Trump tweeted that he was having a secret meeting with the Taliban at Camp David this coming week, the 18th anniversary of 9/11, and then cancelled it because they killed a US soldier in Kabul. No deal! Is that because 1) it’s bullshit, 2) he screwed up and now he’s going to make somebody else pay, or 3) Trump’s Muslim ban.

Whatever the reason, Trump is negotiating with terrorists and looking for a payout.

At midnight, after he announced that he won’t be committing yet another impeachable offense, inviting the enemy to Camp David, he retweeted a tweet by Breitbart News. It was a video of him looking at the altered weather map with a cat in front of it chasing a laser pointer. He also tweeted something about a Swedish behavioral scientist suggesting that eating other people after they die could be a means of combating climate change.

Trump retweeted a Mike Pence tweet about the US supporting Brexit. Hey Mike Pence, it never pays to dance with the devil. Your dance card has been declined. You’ve maxed it out.

21 conservatives in Britain have put country before party and have walked out on Brexit. On the other side of the pond, only 1 American Republican has walked off of The White House Apprentice because hey, being on that show pays.

While Hurricane Dorian rages on, Trump has slapped a 30% tariff on all imported solar panels. Pay up or die!

It has been a week and Trump still won’t let the Alabama thing go. He’s paying a New York Times reporter back for reporting it by calling him an “Obama Flunky.”

Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe called Mitch McConnell a dickhead.

Pastor Robert Jeffress is warning Fox News viewers that if Trump isn’t reelected that “there is going to be a backlash against people of faith like we cannot imagine.” Here we go again. Christians are being persecuted in Fox News reality TV. Get your guns. It’s payback time. Get your wallets, too. Time to pay the Pity Puritan Piper. Your TV preacher needs another jet.

Millionaire Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley is applying for another federal bailout for his private farm. Being a US senator has really paid off. The US government has made Chuck a very rich man.

Farmers say they still support Trump in Iowa because the Chinese have been sticking it to them for too long. It’s payback time! That’s easy to say when the government keeps paying you not to work.

Welfare. Socialism. It’s payback time!

Farmageddon update: Farm debt is at record levels. Farmers are defaulting on their loans. Bankruptcies and suicides are on the rise. Food has rotted. The undocumented field workers that the MAGAs want to send back to Mexico might have to go back to Mexico because they’re out of work which could have a lasting effect because once Trump’s gone, whose gonna work the fields? Bob Kuylen, Vice President of the North Dakota Farmer’s Union says he has personally lost $400,000 due to Trump’s trade war with China. He says farmers have “pretty much lost all of their markets since Trump took over.” Farmer Bob didn’t vote for Trump but a lot of other farmers did and they would again because Democrats are socialists. It’s payback time!

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Obama inherited the Great Recession and saved the country from another Great Depression. He took he market from 7,000 to 20,000. Unemployment went from 8.3% to 4.6%. Consumer confidence went from 25.3 to 107.1. When he left office the annual budget deficit was $504 billion. With Trump’s trade wars and cutting taxes to 0 for the wealthy the budget deficit is over $1 trillion and the Republicans, who are supposedly the party of fiscal responsibility, have not said a word. They’re quietly counting their money. It pays to support Trump.

Trump said he’d exact revenge on his enemies once elected and he has. He says he’ll get more revenge after he’s out of office and he will. It’s always payback time in Trump’s head.

Congress is back in session tomorrow. The Democrats better move on that bitch like a bitch.

Payback is a bitch.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.