Paydirt
After Mitch McConnell introduced the Republican talking point that Democrats distracted Trump by turning his attention away from handling the coronavirus in a timely fashion because he was so preoccupied with them impeaching him the stupid idiot went on TV for his daily dirt rally disguised as a coronavirus task force press briefing and said, “I don’t think I would have done any better if I wasn’t impeached. That’s a tribute to me.”
“Sorry the president was bad at his job. He was too busy being put on trial because he’s bad at his job.” — Samantha Bee
Trump wasn’t preoccupied with anything from January through March. He spent 6 weekends golfing because he’s a dirt bag.
The impeachment trial ended on February 6. On February 26 he said there were only 15 people who had it and within a couple of days there will be 0. Two days after that he called the whole thing a hoax. A nasty dirty Democratic hoax.
Trump says now that from the beginning he knew thousands could die from the coronavirus but he wanted to keep up a brave front and stay positive. That’s why he downplayed the virus early on. He didn’t want the country to panic.
“I knew it could be horrible. I knew it could be maybe good,” the dirt devil said.
While he was trying to keep the country from panicking he did nothing to prepare for what he says now he knew was coming. Medical supplies? Nah. Hand me the remote. Ventilators? They’re called generators, DUH. Hand me the remote. Testing? What about me? Hand me the remote.
He doesn’t understand why anybody is making such a fuss over not having masks to wear in hospitals. It’s not like you can get all that dirty in a hospital. They have people who clean up the germs and the blood, amirite?
“A lot of people have scarves.” Health care workers can just bring their scarves from home to do their jobs. Stop complaining. I haven’t been golfing in a couple of weeks!
He’s very pleased with the ratings for his weekly MAGA rallies turned daily coronavirus task force press briefings. “I’m sure people are enjoying it.” It may be a dark topic but its also “incredibly interesting.” People are “going crazy, they can’t get enough.”
When asked what his plans were for the next 30 days he said, “I’d love to go out but I will be in the White House. It’s a nerve center a control center……..its important that I remain healthy.”
Everybody at the briefing ignored the elephant in the room, as usual, until it took a dump on the floor. Then Jim Acosta asked, “What would have happened if we had started social distancing in January? Would there have been fewer deaths?” Everybody just stood there like Joe Dirt who had just been caught by his parents climbing into his bedroom window in the middle of the night after being at a coronavirus party. Finally Dr. Fauci answered, “Probably yes.” He’s gonna get fired. It won’t be long before he’s kicked off of the Reality TV President show and the Republicans dig up dirt on him to make Fox News viewers believe that he’s not a real doctor.
Since Trump didn’t throw any elephant poop at anybody the press complimented him and said he acted like a real president, forgetting that just the day before he brought the My Pillow Guy up to lecture everybody about the Lord.
Trump didn’t say an awful lot about New York because he hates New York. He did say, however, that “179 people died in New York yesterday, or whatever it was,” and then he bragged about doing Governor Cuomo a favor. “I got him ships. I got him hospitals. He hit paydirt.”
HE HIT PAYDIRT?
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