Payroll Taxes and Evictions at the Country Club

Spike Dolomite
4 min readAug 9, 2020

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Landlords and bosses who pay $300,000 a year in dues aren’t impressed with Trump’s big announcement

Trump says he’s going to abolish Social Security and Medicare by abolishing the payroll tax. He signed illegal, unconstitutional executive orders that he called bills because he doesn’t know the difference between the two. He undermined the separation of powers in the US government by putting on a show in front of members of his country club because he’s mad at the Democrats and thinks people will like him more if he gets rid of payroll taxes because he’s an idiot. He also said he was going to give everybody $400 a month in unemployment insurance which didn’t impress the country club members at all since they’re rich. He says he’s going to extend moratoriums on evictions too because then poor people will vote for him. After signing the bills, (executive orders,) he passed out commemorative pens to the dues paying members who applauded on cue.

When a reporter confronted him at the end of his country club press briefing by asking, “Why do you keep saying that you passed Veterans Choice? It was passed in 2014. It was a false statement,” he got pissed off and ended the presser like a click of the remote.

Obama did mic drops. Trump drops the remote.

Drunk Larry Kudlow went on State of the Union this morning to say Trump didn’t mean what he said he meant and for everybody not to worry about Social Security or Medicare. Don’t worry! Be nappy! Larry Kudlow is not only wrong about us not having to worry about Social Security of Medicare, he has been wrong about every major economic development over the past 20 years.

Nancy Pelosi went on Chris Wallace’s show on Fox News this morning to talk about Trump’s latest country club boner. She said, “It’s unconstitutional slop.”

Trump told the rich people at his country club that Democrats don’t care about people getting evicted which is funny because country clubbers don’t care about Democrats or people getting evicted.

The Trump campaign is sending big pink busses into swing states that say WOMEN FOR TRUMP on the sides as if women don’t get evicted too. TikTok teens should stand ready with bullhorns to scream, “Grab ’em by the pussy!” as the busses roll along.

Ben Sasse, Republican senator from Nebraska, doesn’t like that Trump bypassed Congress to sign executive orders at the club and he said so. Ben Sasse voted to keep Trump in power along with all of the Republican senators except Mitt Romney so Ben Sasse can fuck right off.

Rudy Giuliani went on Fox News and said that the Black Lives Matter movement should be registered as a hate group because they are killers who hate white people.

Susan Collins is polling worse than Trump. She says she has “never been more offended by attacks as I have been from the left in this campaign.”

We need new words to describe the Trump presidency. “Offended,” “Sad,” “Disappointed,”
Regrettable,” “Unfortunate”, and “Fuck” are too flat and impotent. We need something much stronger and way more offensive to make a point in 2020.

We hit 5 million cases and 700,000 dead worldwide from the coronavirus. It’s worse in the US because we’re a shithole country.

MAGAs are going into stores to confront minimum wage employees, saying that they’re with the “Freedom to Breathe Agency,” to bully essential workers into taking off their masks.

“Joe Arpaio lost by fucking 516 votes. Let that sink in and think about doing some volunteering between now and Nov 3 so we don’t wake up and cry again.” — Some guy on Twitter

86 days until we get to vote.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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