Pick Up The Phone

Mike Lindell, the born again Christian, former crack addict and CEO of My Pillow, who has been touring the country doing events on Trump’s behalf and making regular appearances on right wing wacko media to spread the good word, got his cellphone seized by the FBI yesterday. He was told by the FBI not to say anything about it so the first thing he did was post a video of himself telling the story of how he was victimized by the FBI. He believes that Trump was sent by God, that Trump is going to save us, and that his mission is to help Trump help God. He made his own documentary “proving” that Trump was the real winner of the 2020 presidential election. He texted with Mark Meadows regularly before the insurrection. He got kicked off Twitter for conspiracy theories and is being sued by Dominion for defamation. MAGA Republicans have been unusually quiet since the news broke that the feds had Mike Lindell’s phone because they’re all in it.

The following dipshits have had their phones seized by the FBI too:

Rudy Giuliani — Trump’s screwball personal attorney who worked for Trump pro bono even though he hadn’t practiced law in decades. Trump brought him in in April of 2018 to “negotiate” an end to the Russia investigation. He ended up being Trump’s surrogate for all sorts of things. He tried to get Ukraine to dig up dirt on Biden so Trump could win in 2020 which is why Trump got impeached the first time. Rudy got so drunk at the White House on election night 2020 that he told Trump to just go ahead and claim that he won even though he lost so Trump took his attorney’s advice and claimed he won. He spoke at the Stop the Steal Rally. Rudy is being investigated by federal prosecutors for campaign finance violations and bribing foreign officials and is the target of the investigation in Fulton County which will probably end with an indictment. He is being sued by Dominion for defamation.

Victoria Toensing — one of Rudy’s associates and a Fox News “legal expert” along with her husband, Joe diGenova. She too tried to get Ukraine to set the Bidens up. The FBI searched her home at the end of April, 2021. She was the third Trump lawyer to be raided by the feds.

Michael McDonald — Chairman of the Nevada State Republican Party, former cop, and fake elector who got subpoenaed by the Select Committee.

Congressman Scott Perry — Chair of the Freedom Caucus, founded by Mark Meadows. He and Mark Meadows were in regular communication prior to January 6. Perry suggested that they quit texting and move over to Signal where it’s easier to hide. After he met with Mark in the White House a few weeks after the election, Mark was seen burning papers in a fireplace.

John Eastman — crackpot attorney who wrote and distributed a six point plan for Mike Pence to set aside electoral college votes and throw the election back to the states. 14 MAGA Republicans were mentioned in his emails plus he met with many of them in the White House. He and Ginni Thomas exchanged emails before the insurrection.He was subpoenaed by Fulton County and pleaded the Fifth when questioned by the grand jury. He has pleaded the Fifth over 150 times. He was at the coup planning meeting at the Willard Hotel and spoke at the Stop the Steal rally before the crowd headed over to the Capitol on January 6. While the attack on the Capitol was going on, Mike Pence’s attorney, Greg Jacob, texted him, “Thanks to your bullshit we’re under siege.”

Jeffrey Clark — low level environmental attorney in the civil division of the DOJ who was willing to carry out Trump’s plan after he fired Attorney General Bill Barr. He was supposed to step in as Acting AG and then accuse Georgia of election fraud and demand that the electoral votes be given to Trump. He had a letter drafted to the states and was ready to hit send as soon as he was installed to announce that they had discovered fraud and states needed to appoint new electors and give the win to Trump. He has pleaded the Fifth over 125 times. The FBI raided his house on the same day that they executed a search warrant on John Eastman.

Boris Epshteyn — legal advisor on Trump’s 2016 and 2020 campaigns, and director of communications for Trump’s inauguration committee. He was at the meeting at the Willard Hotel.

Mike Roman — White House staffer who did opposition research while Trump was president (that’s something that is done during campaigns, not after you win — digging up dirt on opponents). He hand delivered fake electors from Michigan and Wisconsin to Senator Mike Lee of Utah to give to Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin.

The FBI couldn’t seize any of those phones without probable cause. They must all have evidence of crimes.

Hillary Clinton still has her phone.

MAGA Republicans better start sleeping with their clothes on because the FBI could be coming for their phones, too.

Kenneth Starr, the guy who led the witch hunt against Clinton, has died. His legacy will be working with Republican Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich to stop the government from functioning, demonizing Democrats, and paving the way to fascism. Brett Kavanaugh was his hatchet man. Let his death be the symbol of the end of the road for the Republican party.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.