Progress Report

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 30, 2021
Hannukkah dreidel, middle finger or both?

6,000 subpoenas have been issued on the insurrection so far. The DC Court has processed 661 defendants which is only the tip of the iceberg. This is the largest criminal investigation in US history. Trump’s militia is clogging up the court system because they’re already really busy processing their normal amount of cases. 5% of these idiots have been sentenced and 25% have entered a guilty plea. The DC jail is bursting at the bars. The insurrectionists have been housed all together. They call it the Patriot Wing, sing the National Anthem every night, and talk about the insurrection every day. They’re creeping the other inmates out. All but 2 of them are vaccinated so they’re not getting full services such as haircuts, shaves, access to visitors. Conditions inside the jail were already really bad (crappy food, cramped space, standing sewage, inadequate water, poor air circulation) but their presence is making it way worse. They’re stuck there for a long time until their trials because of the backlog and the incoming defendants.

These dolts identify as “sovereign citizens” — anti-government extremists who believe that even though they live in America they don’t have to abide by its laws or pay taxes. They’re a pain in the ass for law enforcement. A simple traffic ticket can take all day because sovereign citizens are lunatics who never shut up.

These guys were so stupid that they all recorded themselves committing their crimes and posted it on social media. Most of the defendants are jerks and have pissed off so many people in their lives that the FBI is getting plenty of tips from disgruntled ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, co-workers, neighbors, people from high school who were bullied, and anybody else who has been freaked out by these fools.

One such fool is James Beeks. His stage name is James T. Justis. He’s a black musical theatre actor and has pretty much ruined his career by participating in a white supremacy exercise that was all caught on camera. He was wearing a Michael Jackson “Bad” tour jacket (he works as a Michael Jackson impersonator) and was at the very front with the Oath Keepers breaking through the first police line. He was starring in a traveling production of the play “Jesus Christ Superstar”. He played Judas of course. Traitor to Jesus and traitor to the country. He was wearing a homemade black helmet and shield that he very likely stole from the prop department. The tour has 22 dates through August 2022.

The Select Committee has questioned 250 witnesses so far and issued 45 subpoenas.

New reporting reveals that Trump called the Willard Hotel, the command center for Trump’s MAGA militia the night before the attack to tell them to release the hounds. He was really pissed that Pence wouldn’t comply with Trump’s request to keep him in power so he decided to attack the Capitol.

The FBI has a master list of all of the phones that were used on the grounds that day. The organizers of the rally used anonymous burner phones all paid for with cash to communicate with the White House and the Trump family.

“Right Wing paramilitary groups attempted a coup on 1/6 and some even wanted mass murder. They coordinated with a sitting president, his campaign, and had designated burner phones to avoid investigation. The fact that this isn’t all anyone talks about is beyond disturbing. They relied on broad support from nearly every major Republican donor, elected members of the party, coordinated with elements of the extreme media, and Fox News, the largest propaganda arm, has tirelessly covered for them and dangerously revisioned their crimes as a set-up.” — Jared Yates Sexton

Progress is being made at the highest level of US government insofar as inclusion and religious liberty is concerned. It’s Hannukuah and for the first time in history Hannukkah is actually being celebrated rather than simply acknowledged because the VP’s spouse is Jewish. The lights of Hannukkah are being lit in their window every night for 8 nights for all of Washington DC to see.

Chris Christie’s new book “The Republican Rescue” that he’s been pimping EVERYWHERE, getting free press all over mainstream media to boost his public presence before he runs for president, is a big flop. He only sold 2,289 copies in its first week. He’s at #15,545 on Amazon Kindle. Mary Trump sold over 1 million copies on its FIRST DAY.


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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.