Proud Boy

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 1, 2020

The Commission on Presidential Debates is going to change its rules to be more strict for the next 2 debates because Trump treated the moderator and his opponent like he does his wives and staff at the first debate. The children of America heard their first bad words from the president of the United States Tuesday night.

While most of the country recovered from an emotional hang over after being beaten up by the president the night before, Trump said “I thought the debate last night was great. We’ve gotten tremendous reviews on it.”

The Proud Boys, who Trump called to action during the presidential debate, is a terrorist organization. They have been classified by the Southern Poverty Law Center as an official hate group and the Anti-Defamation League refers to them as “hard-core white supremacists.” They were kicked off of Twitter and Facebook in 2018 so they use other social media platforms to organize and spread hate. They are celebrating Trump’s message to them and they are organizing. The group was founded in 2016 during the presidential election. Co-founder Gavin McInnes, who is a Canadian citizen, carved out an ideological space for frustrated young men to rally around — western culture is superior to all others, racism is a myth created by guilty white liberals, Islam is a culture of violence, and feminism “is about de-masculinizing men.” They hate immigrants, Muslims and Jews. To join the Proud Boys you have to believe that white men are not the problem plus you have to pledge that you won’t masturbate. Group meetings, according to McInnes, “usually consist of drinking, fighting, and reading aloud from Pat Buchanan’s Death of the West.”

Oh boy!

When the press asked Trump about his call to action to the Proud Boys he said he didn’t know them. The Republicans have no comment. Are you proud of your boy, Republicans?

Trump insiders are more worried that Brad Pascale will rat them out for ripping the campaign off than they are of Trump bombing the debate and calling the Proud Boys to take up arms. Pascale is under investigation for $170 million in money laundering and maintaining a database of voters who were prejudiced against black people. The Trump campaign has erased Brad Pascale from its website.

Celebs want nothing to do with Trump’s $300 million PSA ad campaign to say what a great job he’s doing handling the pandemic. The only people who agreed to do it were Dennis Quaid, gospel singer CeCe Winans and a Hasidic singer named Shulem Lemmer. Justin Timberlake, Taylor Swift and Billy Joel said no fucking way. Now they don’t know what they’re going to do because the deadline is election day which makes this a campaign video paid for with tax dollars. The project is being headed by a 22 year old political appointee with no public health experience. The project is going nowhere. That $300 million should be spent on PPE for health care workers.

A veterans home in Missouri had 31 residents test positive for the coronavirus after the infected governor visited them 2 weeks ago.

Schools were forced to open a month ago in Arkansas. The superintendent of the Atkins school district just died from the coronavirus. The day before he died a dozen teachers refused to report to work because they feared for their lives because Arkansas has the 7th highest infection rate in the country. Republican governor Asa Hutchinson was eager to get kids back in school despite teachers dropping dead from the Trump Plague in other states. He sends his condolences to the superintendent’s family and wants everybody to be careful out there!

The Agriculture Department has been told to send out millions of boxes of surplus food to needy families with a letter from Trump taking credit for the program.

Trump officials in the Department of Homeland Security have been told to make sympathetic comments about Kyle Rittenhouse, the teenager who crossed the state line to murder 2 people on the streets of Kenosha, Wisconsin to “help” the police.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Rick Roeber, a proud “staunch conservative” is also an ordained minister and is running for his late wife’s congressional seat in Missouri. His 4 adult kids and former wife have come forward to say he beat them all when they were kids and molested 2 of them. He admits he was a drunk but that he was possessed by the devil when he did it. He doesn’t admit to being a child molester though. His legal team is using the “Parental Alienation Syndrome” as his defense.

Here come the caravans! There is a migrant caravan from Honduras headed for the border! When all else fails, send in the caravans!

Facebook took down Trump’s campaign ads tying refugees to the spread of the coronavirus.

Trump is going after the immigrants again which means he’s really desperate.

There is only one line left for Trump to cross and that is an actual coup. Do not trust anyone who doesn’t denounce that line. Do not surrender our sovereignty over to the Trump family.

33 days until we get to vote.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.