Race to the Finish

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 1, 2018

Trump is claiming that there are 25 to 30 million undocumented immigrants in the US right now. The real number is less than half of that and they’re not all slackers or MS-13 gang members.

The Republicans are hitting their voters hard with the caravan because they can’t talk about their tax bill or repealing Obamacare. They want voters to forget about both, because they know that they have screwed everybody over by not taxing the rich, piling on the deficit, and relentlessly trying to take health care away. Forget about the beer party they threw in the Rose Garden where they all laughed and patted Trump on the back after the last time they voted to repeal Obamacare. They can’t run on “Obamacare is socialism” because even conservatives don’t want to repeal Obamacare. So they have to appeal to voters with fear and racism and hope that there are just enough racists who will turn out to vote so they can maintain power. Scare the crap out of them with illegal immigrants. They are coming. They are coming! And they’re coming for YOU.

Trump is throwing dripping red, bloody meat at the hard core racists, promising concentration camps and indefinite detention for border crossers: “We’re not doing any releases anymore… We’ll build tent cities, whatever we have to build in terms of housing. We’re not doing releases.”

For enhanced optics, and to show off his own power, Trump is sending 15,000 troops to the border to do nothing. Democrats want to know, “Why didn’t you send 15, 000 troops to Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria?”

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Congressman Steve King of Iowa is not a hypocrite. He is very vocal about his racist beliefs and makes no apologies for any of them. He says that pregnant immigrants keep coming to America to give birth so they can have American children. Anchor babies are an industry, he says. How does a blatant racist and Nazi sympathizer keep getting elected? Because his constituents aren’t hypocrites either.

Junior, Ivanka, Eric, and Barron must be anchor babies if their mothers were not citizens at the times of the births. Trump says they’re not anchor babies because their mothers were married to HIM at the time. Under his plan to rid the country of brown people, anybody who is born to a single undocumented immigrant woman would be subject to non-citizenship status. “She” needs an American citizen “he” to have an American baby. Blow up the 14th amendment with xenophobic sexism.

It gets worse. Trump told reporters, “Birthright citizenship is a very important subject. It’s much less complex than people think. It says loud and clear in the Constitution that you don’t have to go through the process of………..whatever they’re talking about.”

Trump used Pittsburgh to conjure up a couple of votes for the Republicans running for election in Pittsburgh by posting a video of himself with Melania looking sad in front of the synagogue. Nauseating. Infuriating. Sick. He posted the video with this tweet: “Yesterday in Pittsburgh I was really impressed with Congressman Keith Rothfus (far more so than any other local political figure). His sincere level of compassion, grief and sorrow for the events that took place was, in its own way, very inspiring. Vote for Keith!” He politicized a mass shooting before the dead were all buried and made the worst tragedy in the history of the American Jewish community about HIM.

Nauseating. Infuriating. Sick.

“I’ve unfortunately covered a lot of shootings over the years. I don’t really remember an elected official, aware that they were so controversial, putting out a video of themselves at a crime scene to celebrate their own performance.” — Maggie Haberman

Meanwhile, the NRA is running ads like this: “Another billionaire is pumping unlimited money into electing anti-gun lawmakers. Notorious anti-gunner George Soros joins anti-gun billionaires Steyer and Bloomberg. There is no end to how much they’ll pay to push their elitist agenda on Americans.” Key words: Anti-gun and elitist = Democrats.

Junior did a commercial with his new girlfriend, former Fox News brunette what’s-her-face, where he encouraged people to vote Republican in 7 days, 6 days before the election. Yes! Vote Republican next Wednesday!

Trump’s followers in Florida chanted “Lock him up!” at a MAGA rally where Trump was there to endorse Trump wanna be, Ron DeSantis. They were referring to DeSantis’ opponent, black Democratic candidate Andrew Gillium. Trump’s base was giddy at the prospect of locking up a black man who has not been charged with a crime.

Trump is planning 10 more rallies in 5 days. He’s telling his followers that this election is the most important election of our time, “But not as important as 2016.”

Get out the vote, America, or we’ll all be stripped of our citizenship status.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.