Race Ya!

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 10, 2020


After the SCOTUS decision, Trump went on a predictable Twitter rant and tweeted about Obamagate and being the greatest president in history.

Now that the SCOTUS has ruled that the president is not above the law, the DA in New York can proceed with his investigation into Trump’s campaign paying two women off who actually had sex with him. Ew, ew and ew.

Michael Cohen had to go back to jail because he went out to a restaurant while he was supposed to be at homejail. Now reporters can’t ask him about the hush money he paid to the two women who did the nasty with that nasty, nasty man. Ew.

Trump needs a second term to take advantage of any statute of limitations for federal crimes he committed while in his first term. He can’t be indicted after 5 years of committing a federal crime. That’s the only reason why he’s running again. He doesn’t want to be president another four years any more than he did be-four.

Trump’s attorney Jay Sekulow is using the Trump tactic of lying straight to your face about something you know to be true, “We are pleased that in the decisions issued today, the Supreme Court has temporarily blocked both Congress and New York prosecutors from obtaining the President’s financial records.” That’s not what happened. But it’s just the right sound bite to run on Fox News over and over again.

Another 1.3 million workers filed for unemployment insurance last week. 32% of households missed their July rent and mortgage payments.

David Duke, the former Grand Wizard of the KKK, wants Tucker Carlson to be Trump’s running mate instead of Pence because he’s a proper racist and can stop the “commie Bolsheviks.”

The Capitol Commission in Tennessee voted to remove the bust of a KKK grand wizard from the state capitol. Wait. THERE WAS A BUST OF A KKK GRAND WIZARD IN THE TENNESSEE STATE CAPITOL? WTF??????

Trump calls flying the confederate flag “freedom of speech.”

Members of the exonerated Central Park Five helped paint BLACK LIVES MATTER with Mayor de Blasio in front of Trump Tower. Trump was pissed. He said, “I was very nice to Mayor de Blasio. I got him ventilators when he needed them. I got him the gowns. I got him the masks. I got him everything. Then he throws a big Black Lives Matter sign right down in the middle of Fifth Avenue.” This is the thanks he gets for behaving like a president?

Trump wants kids back in school. “We have to open our schools. Stop this nonsense. We have to get our schools open and stop this political nonsense. They don’t want to open because they think it’ll help them on Nov 3. I think it’s going to hurt.”

Trump’s Mini Me, Governor DeSantis of Florida, concurs — “If you can do Home Depot, if you can do Walmart, you can definitely do the schools.”

Nobody goes to Home Depot or Walmart for 7 hours a day and sits next to kids with runny noses who skip the soap during hand wash time. If schools can’t control lice, they sure as hell aren’t going to be able to control the Trump Plague.

Press Secretary Barbie says, “If Democrats have their way, children will not have access to schools at all.”

Um, Barbie……Without Democrats children wouldn’t have access to schools at all.

Trump brought in some Hispanic people for a photo op so he could sign an executive order for the White House Hispanic Prosperity Initiative. Come on. A White House Hispanic Prosperity Initiative and people actually showed up? He bragged about how low Hispanic unemployment was “before the plague from China came in — you know what that is, that’s the China virus.” People smiled. They clapped. WTF?

Trump’s bad day ended with him calling into Sean Hannity’s show and bragging about taking a cognitive exam, “I actually took one very recently. I proved I was all there because I aced it at Walter Reed Medical Center in front of doctors and they were very surprised. They said that’s an unbelievable thing, rarely does anybody do what you just did.”

He’s headed over to Walter Reed tomorrow for photo ops with wounded soldiers. That shouldn’t go over too well given that he’s cool with Putin putting a bounty on their heads.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.