Everywhere across the nation Americans are waking up hoping for a new reality, checking their phones before they even get out of bed, asking the same question, “Is he dead yet?” “Have they locked up him up?” “IS HE GONE?”

Then they’re hit with reality. No. He’s not gone. He’s awake and mad tweeting about DACA and Obama.

Trump obsessed all day about being accused of using a Sharpie to alter a National Weather Service map so he had the rear admiral of the Coast Guard, Peter Brown, take the blame for his altered reality and had him make a formal statement saying that he did it. He’s Trump’s Ollie North. Ollie fell on his sword. Peter fell on a pen.

Trump says the National Weather Service is fake news now too.

“To make Trump’s head explode, Obama should hold a rally for no reason in Alabama next week.” — Roland Scahill

Reality check: The jobs report for August isn’t good so Trump should be ordering a couple hundred cases of Sharpies soon so he can give them away at MAGA rallies after he signs his groupies’ hats with them.

White old people follow Trump across the country to be in the front row of his rallies like the Dead Heads did only their strange trip was a lot better than the MAGA strange trip. Both trips are escapes from reality, but they go in completely opposite directions.

Sometimes the light’s all shinin’ on me,
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it’s been.

It’s been 2 years since Trump terminated DACA. He hasn’t done a damn thing since then except use DACA recipients as a bargaining chip for his stupid fucking wall. Meanwhile the fate of undocumented immigrants lies in the Supreme Court’s hands. DACAs’ reality is panic and fear. The public has lost faith in the Supreme Court, thanks to Trump and Mitch McConnell.

The gun nuts are going to have to leave their guns at home when going to pick up bread and milk or birth control. Walgreens, CVS and Wegmans have joined Walmart and Kroger in asking their customers to stop bringing their fucking guns into their stores.

San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors passed a resolution declaring the NRA a domestic terrorist group and have urged other cities, states and the federal government to do the same.

Governor Greg Abbott of Texas issued 8 executive orders aimed at thwarting mass shootings but none of them have anything to do with guns. Texas’ reality is GUNS GUNS GUNS!

Mike Pence went to Iceland and he drove through empty streets because nobody wanted to stand outside and wave at him because they can’t stand him. Instead, they hung gay pride flags everywhere. Iceland’s reality is different from Mike Pence’s reality. He’s not welcome there. Everybody else is.

Department of Defense employees have just been notified that the Employee Assistance Program has been cut, a program that Veteran employees rely on. They were told that if they have a problem to just call the general suicide hotline. For all of his bragging about how much money he was going to invest in a bigger, better military, the reality is he has ended up taking money away from the military to fund a monument to himself, his stupid fucking wall, which in the end will be a historical landmark commemorating one of the worst periods in American history. 10 miles of over priced imported steel from China due to tariffs and Trump’s trade war, symbolizing hate, fear, greed, stupidity, and perverted pride.

In other headlines: “The Trump administration will take ‘influential’ British journalists to American farms so they can try ‘chlorinated chicken’.

The Trump administration is a lawless regime. The rules of the game have changed. There are no rules. Nobody knows how the country or the world will reshape itself. We can’t begin to understand what’s happening. It’s chaos. Things that were once impossible are regular, daily occurrences. What was once implausible is every day reality.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.