Remember That

Spike Dolomite
5 min readSep 25, 2020

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Obama hung out with Led Zeppelin. Trump hung out with Ted Nugent, Sarah Palin and Kid Rock. Remember that.

Trump refusing to give up power is getting 1/000th of the coverage that Hillary’s emails got. Remember Hillary’s emails?

The Senate passed a unanimous resolution proclaiming that there will be a peaceful transfer of power in January which means absolutely nothing since the Republicans are all treasonous liars who acquitted a treasonous lying president. Remember that.

Press Secretary Barbie told the press that Trump would leave IF the election is free and fair and as far as Breonna Taylor goes, “Our hearts go out to her. It was a horrible tragedy that happened. And that our hearts also are with the two police officers who were shot last night in the Louisville riots.” Remember, blue lives matter. She tries to insult and degrade one of the only reporters who has consistently confronted Trump’s propaganda ministers in the briefing room and demands answers, Brian Karem, by referring to him as the “Playboy reporter.” Yes, he is a reporter from Playboy and he’s one of the only reporters who refuses to kiss her ass (pun intended.)

The United States has surpassed 7 million cases of the coronavirus. It’s out of control and Trump isn’t doing anything about it except deny that it’s happening. The Midwest has seen a surge in cases where Trump has been holding packed maskless rallies. Wisconsin reported 2,400 new cases yesterday.

Missouri’s Governor Mike Parson and his wife Teresa visited a hospital in Joplin on Monday where they posed for pictures with staff members. Nobody was wearing masks in a group photo in a hospital in one of the largest coronavirus hotspots in the state. They found out they had it the day after that picture was taken. Deaths from the coronavirus in Missouri have gone up 186% over the past 2 weeks. The highest death total to date was Wednesday. Governor Parson is an anti-masker. Remember that.

Trump made a big announcement that he was signing the first ever executive order to affirm that it is the “official policy of the United States Government to protect patients with pre-existing conditions.” Um, that’s already a law, remember? It’s called the Affordable Care Act and it was signed by President Obama. He’s rebranding Obamacare now and taking credit for protecting people with pre-existing conditions while simultaneously trying to destroy the entire law in court.

Trump spoke at some health summit and promised that if he wins he’ll deliver the best new healthcare program that the world has ever seen, which is the same thing he promised 4 years ago but if people remember that they aren’t saying anything.

Trump did another MAGA rally in Florida and bragged about being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and how the press robbed him of the big honor by covering the hurricane on TV instead (it was just “heavy rain.”) He made light of violence against the free press again, too, which appears to be a regular thing now at his cult rallies. He bragged about the cops shooting journalist Ali Velshi with a rubber bullet in Minneapolis — “They say it hurts. That is only going 52 miles per hour. A bullet goes about 2000 miles per hour.” The crowd loved it which is why he said it. Both he and his cult followers don’t remember much so that’s why he repeats himself.

At the top of Tucker Carlson’s show, he explained why George Floyd, Jacob Blake, and Breonna Taylor got attacked by the police. Because they had it coming. Remember: “Every story we’ve been told for the past three months has been at its core a lie.” His audience loves it. That’s why he says it.

Mitch McConnell went on Fox News to talk about the civil unrest in Louisville because of the cops just doing their job when they shot and killed Breonna Taylor. He said, “It was very sad to see my hometown looking a lot like Portland.” Mitch knows what he’s saying and he knows who he’s saying it to. They remember everything he tells them. That’s why they keep voting for him.

According to the Republicans and right wing media, Antifa, foreign countries and your mailman are stuffing mailboxes with millions of bogus ballots. Antifa is setting the forests on fire on the Left Coast. They drive rented U-Haul trucks loaded with protest signs and cans of soup into unsuspecting quiet neighborhoods to take over suburban streets. They have submarines that sink boats in Trump boat parades on lakes. They’re everywhere and they remember things you’ve never ever said or did and they’re going to get you for it.

A gun nut named Nik Ellingford shot himself in the dick after he pulled out his gun to show it off in a checkout lane at a supermarket in Oregon. A couple of weeks ago he posted a meme that read, “Warning to BLM and Antifa — Once you’ve managed to defund and eliminate the police, there’s nobody protecting you from us. Remember that.”

Remember ACORN in 2008? Fox. The “New” Black Panthers in 2012? Fox. The caravans coming over the border in 2018? Fox. Antifa 2020? Fox.

Republicans use Fox to outfox their voters and Fox uses the Republicans to outfox their competition.

“Today’s Republican Party: Rich people using religious people to convince poor white people that compassionate people are out to get them.” — Dr. Jack Brown

39 days until we get to vote. Remember that.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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