Republican Santa

Republican Santa has a lot to answer for after throwing stink bombs down all of his Republican elves chimneys before taking off to the South Pole in Florida where he’ll probably stay for the next 27 days. The elves got everything they wanted from the big fat man in the red tie for 4 years and now they’re left holding the bag of Republican toys and tricks. Scrooge McConnell is damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t after Trump announced that he won’t sign anything unless all of the good little boys and good little girls get $2,000 for Christmas. Scrooge McConnell didn’t want to give them anything to begin with. Now what is he going to do? Perhaps a visit from the ghost of Christmas Past, Newt Gingrich, could convince him that kicking homeless, hungry, sick Americans while they’re already down is a good idea. The ghost of Christmas Future, AOC, showing him how everybody can afford housing and plenty of food and health care, and send their kids to great public schools by taxing this rich is a Republican nightmare so that can’t be included in this version of A Christmas Carol. All Scrooge McConnell cares about is the ghost of Christmas Present who is only focused on Republican power NOW at ALL COSTS. How is he going to stick it to everybody on Christmas when Santa has promised them so much and still maintain his power?

Republican Santa took the lump of coal that he promised West Virginia and stuck it in the military’s stocking for Christmas by vetoing the defense bill which he can’t do because it passed both chambers with veto-proof majorities. Republican Santa is a fucking idiot.

The “law and order” president vetoed funding the military but got the Proud Boys to pursue violence in the streets over “defund the police.”

Trump did it again. He turned all the attention on himself by burning down the fucking Christmas tree.

The government shuts down on Monday and unemployment runs out on Saturday. The CDC eviction moratorium runs out on December 31 and Republican Santa is creating chaos because he’s mad at his elves for not remaining loyal to him until after Christmas. He is losing his power grip and now he’s pissed so he’s going to break as much shit as he can on his way back up the White House chimney.

Republican Santa passed out another 29 pardons for Christmas to people including Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, and Jared’s dad, Charlie Kushner. This makes 70 pardons and commutations and counting. He’s saving the best for last — him and his family before they’re charged for anything.

Paul Manafort was supposed to serve 4 more years. He dangled pardons in front of him and Roger Stone so they wouldn’t rat him out over Putin and they didn’t so now they get their rewards.

“Just do it and if it’s against the law I will pardon you.” — Donald J Trump

Pardoning Charlie Kushner was a favor for Jared and a fuck you to Chris Christie who he now sees as his enemy. He was the one who charged and prosecuted Kushner for 18 federal felonies. Christie said that case was “one of the most loathsome, disgusting crimes” he prosecuted during his time as a US attorney.

Trump Crime Family Fun Fact: Charlie Kushner once tried to borrow money from the Qataris but wasn’t successful then Jared got money out of them after he became the Secretary of Everything after his father in law was installed as president by Russia. He got them to give him money in exchange for Trump not opposing a Saudi blockade of Qatar.

Duncan Hunter’s wife got a pardon.

The wanna be reality TV stars convicted of supposedly losing their 6 year old son in a runaway UFO shaped silver balloon for media attention got pardoned.

Jesse Benton got a pardon. He’s a member of Rand Paul’s family and the former campaign manager of both he and his dad, Ron Paul. He went to jail after he got busted for bribing an Iowa state senator with $70,000 if he would switch his endorsement from Michele Bachmann to Ron Paul. Jesse Benton was once Scrooge McConnell’s campaign manager, too.

Pardons are supposed to be about mercy and justice but with Trump it’s quid pro quo rewards for loyalists. Merry Griftmas!

Watch him pardon Kyle Rittenhouse, all of the cops who killed black people while he was president, anybody that kills anybody else in Trump’s name in the next 27 days and what the hell, why not pardon Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer and Charles Manson posthumously for kicks. That will really get people talking.

California has reached a milestone of 2 million cases of the Trump Plague and to celebrate, has-been teen heart throb actor and born again big mouth Christian Kirk Cameron led a second huge group of maskless Christmas carolers into public for another made for TV moment of “In your face government — you can’t tell me what to do — most people don’t die from Covid anyway and if they do it’s God’s will” sing song in Southern California. They sang songs such as “We Wish You a Merry Republican Christmas,” “All I Want for Christmas is for Liberals to All go to Hell,” “God Rest Ye Merry Pardoned Men,” “Rocking Around the Burning Christmas Tree,” “Whites Only Christmas,” and “Let it Quid Pro Quo, Let it Quid Pro Quo, Let it Quid Pro Quo.”

27 days until all of the Republicans except for the QAnon whack jobs who just got elected will miraculously all stop believing in Republican Santa and start caring about the deficit, people’s sex lives, and abortion again.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.