RepubliGuns

Spike Dolomite
4 min readFeb 7, 2023

A parent went to pick up his kid after school let out and his gun accidentally went off when he went to move it to make room for his daughter in the back seat. The bullet went through his SUV and into a teacher’s car while kids were walking all over the place on their way home.

Abby Zwerner, the first grade teacher who was shot by her 6 year old student in class got herself a lawyer because the school administration knew the boy was a danger but didn’t do anything to keep her from getting shot. They did nothing even though there had been 4 complaints made about the boy on the day of the shooting. She first went to the administration because she had heard a rumor that he had a gun, and they didn’t do anything. A second teacher heard the rumor, went through his backpack but didn’t find a gun. She went to the administration and said that she believed the boy had a gun but that is must be in his pocket. The administration blew her off because they thought he was too little to have pockets big enough to store a gun. A third teacher went to the administration to say that one of her students came to her in tears because the boy had shown her the gun at recess and told her not to tell anyone or he’d shoot her. A fourth teacher offered to search him but the administration told him not to bother because it was almost the end of the day. An hour later Abby Zwerner was shot.

A few weeks after the 6 year old shot his teacher, a gun trade show in Las Vegas hosted a manufacturer that promoted the “JR-15,” a child-size AR-15 rifle.

Gunfire broke out at an Oklahoma City area high school after a basketball game which sent people screaming in all directions in a panic trying to exit the gym. The commentators ducked for cover as cameras kept rolling.

A gun nut moved from Indiana to Los Angeles with all of his guns. He got himself an apartment in Hollywood where he thought he’d become famous for being a big shot gun nut. Most people move to Hollywood to become stars, not yahoos. MAGAs don’t usually move to Hollywood so this guy really stuck out. He bragged about his guns which did not impress his new neighbors. When he leaned out his window and pointed one of his guns at the people walking below on Sunset Blvd, they called the cops. The cops showed up and could actually do something about the guy BECAUSE LOS ANGELES HAS STRICT GUN LAWS. Cops can respond to calls about people possessing AR-15s or walking around in public with their guns hanging out and are legally able to confiscate illegal guns and take people to jail in order to protect the public. Because there are laws, the cops could do something about the guy and his neighbors could sleep at night knowing they weren’t stuck living next to a dangerous lunatic who could shoot through their walls on any given drunken night. In Indiana where this guy is from, he could buy an AR-15, no problem. He doesn’t need a permit to go anywhere he wants with as many guns as he wants. He could walk into a bar, restaurant, or grocery store with guns hanging everywhere off of his body and the cops couldn’t do anything if a freaked out employee or patron called 9–1–1 because he wouldn’t be breaking any laws. He’d be a few seconds away from blowing a bunch of people away all at once if he wanted to and there isn’t a damn thing the cops can do to deter him.

For decades, Republicans have willingly and deliberately blocked any and all legislation to keep gun nuts from terrorizing and killing people. The next two years will be a total waste of time. Expect absolutely nothing at all regarding gun legislation in Congress (or anything else for that matter) because the House of Representatives is nothing but adult day care with Kevin McCarthy as head babysitter and those in his charge running all over him. The inmates are running the insane asylum. They have no idea how government runs, how a bill becomes a law, or what’s in the Constitution that they’re always referring to whenever they defend guns. Yesterday, one of them sat in the big chair and presided over the House of Representatives. Marjorie Taylor Greene, who has claimed that major mass shootings were fake, who has gone out of her way to terrorize and stalk teenagers who were the victims of a school shooting in Florida, who raffled off an automatic rifle during her campaign, who is a self-proclaimed Christian nationalist and a QAnon devotee vying to be Trump’s running mate in 2024, who is a homophobic white supremacist who hates Jews and thinks women should be subservient to men because it’s in the Bible, who believes that 9/11 never happened and Trump is still president, who, before even being sworn in, attended coup planning meetings inside the White House and flew with Trump on Air Force One, presided over the House of Representatives.

The only interest the insurrectionists in Congress have in government is destroying it from within.

Actor Alec Baldwin will be charged with manslaughter after he accidentally shot and killed somebody on the set of a movie he was starring in in Santa Fe New Mexico. MAGAs yelled GET HIM! Why would they do that? They love guns and accidentally shoot people all the time. They want to get him because he made fun of their cult hero on SNL.

“Maybe we should start calling GOPers RepublicGuns” — Stephen King

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.