Republiqan Makeover

Republiqans are on a half assed rebranding PR tour, trying to make it look like they are the competent, sane, patriotic alternative to the radical left and Joe Biden the Socialist.

Ted Cruz is asserting himself as the check on “the Democrats and their open door policy of letting the whole world in” by posting pictures of himself standing at the border where Trump’s wall ends, suggesting that anybody can walk across and it’s all Joe Biden’s fault. His mullet haircut has grown out a bit. His new look is that of a guy who spent all of his money on a mullet and can’t afford a new one. He needs to drop a few pounds if he wants to pull the image off of a conquistador bouncer. He’s gotten chummy chubby.

“Ted Cruz is morphing into a seditious 400 pound jelly-filled version of Geraldo Rivera.” — The USA Singers

Lindsey Graham’s new incarnation is that of a bad ass. He’s warning the Democrats that he’ll take matters into his own hands if he’s forced to defend his property. “I own an AR-15. If there’s a natural disaster in South Carolina where the cops can’t protect my neighborhood, my house will be the last one that the gang will come to, because I can defend myself.” Close your eyes and picture Lindsey Graham standing out in his front yard in his underwear, holding an AR-15, yelling at gangs and all of the Democrats who have come to take his gun. Close your eyes and picture it. Go ahead, do it.

Trump’s subservient woman, Dr. Birx, is giving interviews from the fainting couch, trying to rehash her image as a victim of genocide. Not literally, of course. She’s still alive to tell on the Trump Administration for letting hundreds of thousands of people die. She’s a victim because she was just following orders when Trump told her to go along with his evil plan. She was trapped. What was she supposed to do? She’s going to faint when she’s brought up on charges for aiding and abetting Trump’s crimes. She’s going to go down in history as one of Trump’s deadliest enablers.

Lauren Boebert took down her guns that she had displayed on shelves behind her so everybody could see them and be intimidated when she dialed in from home for government business. Why would she do a thing like that? Her guns are her. She is her guns. It’s all she cares about so why remove them from her big shot Zoom background? She couldn’t possibly think they were in bad taste after the Boulder shooting because she doesn’t have any taste. She may not be showing her guns off in congressional meetings anymore but she still is defending them in interviews. She said that hammers, hands and feet kill more people than guns. She also says that if the government is going to do background checks on people who want to buy guns then it should do the same for immigrants. Um, it does. Lauren Boebert is an idiot. A very dangerous idiot with an awful lot of power — in the government, at home, on her shelf, and at her place of business where she makes all of her employees carry guns on their hips.

Stephen Miller is shape shifting by accusing Biden of having an immigration policy that is cruel and inhumane.

Conspiracy theory pushing Trump lawyer Sidney Powell has admitted to lying in sworn court pleadings. She should be disbarred for that on top of getting sued for $1.3 billion in a defamation suit brought by Dominion Voting Systems because she slandered them regularly on Fox News when she’d go on to promote the Big Lie in which Trump was the real winner of the election. Sidney Powell’s defense is anybody who would believe what she said is an idiot. Her conspiracy theories about Dominion were way too outlandish to be taken seriously so the case should be dismissed out of court, according to her and her attorney.

Bad boy Matt Gaetz has big plans for his Trump Party political career so in order to pump up his political image a bit he had to get himself a wife so he asked the sister of a well known GQP donor, Ginger Luckey, for her hand in a marriage of convenience.

Jared Kushner is writing a book about being in the White House.

Mike Pence is reinventing himself by hiding and hoping everybody will forget about him.

Jeff Flake, who never really bucked the Republican party while he was a senator (he did a lot of grandstanding and lecturing to set himself apart from the bad guys but he voted with Trump 84% of the time and voted to acquit in the first impeachment trial) has been “speaking out” a lot lately, branding himself as the anti-Trump, good guy candidate for 2024.

Trump is desperately trying to make news. He crashed a wedding at Mar-a-Lago and jumped on stage to talk about himself just like the old daze. It was like being in an episode of the Twilight Zone where everybody gets older and wiser with the passage of time except for the one weirdo who never grows older, never gets wiser, and never, ever shuts up.

“It may be said with a degree of assurance that not everything that meets the eye is as it appears.” — Rod Serling

Case in point: Extreme makeovers for Republiqans. Look out.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.