Ronald Reagan Can’t Save Them Now

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 11, 2019

And another Trump ass wiper/kisser has written a book. Cha-ching! Nikki Haley has written a memoir and Trump has endorsed it on Twitter. That makes sell out #4, right behind Junior who is right behind Anonymous who followed General Mattis. Next up: John Bolton.

Don’t let the sell outs sell out their books. Don’t buy them. Don’t read them. Fuck them.

Everybody is cashing in on the Reality TV presidency except for patriotic loyal civil servants. Trump is costing them. They’re risking their jobs to tell the truth and they have to hire lawyers on their government salaries because everything that Trump touches turns to shit.

“The amount of former Trump administration officials who have chosen book deals over country is really something” — Andy Lassner

Junior and Botox Barbie got booed at UCLA in Los Angeles yesterday when they tried to pimp Junior’s book. They ran out of the event soon after it started and high tailed it up the 101 to Simi Valley to pimp the book at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. They didn’t get booed but the 40th president, Ronald Reagan, who is buried there, rolled over in his grave. People thought it was just another SoCal earthquake — a 4.0 on the sphincter scale.

“Nikki Haley has a history of bad takes. She once said the US has ‘Never passed a law based on race.’ I think that’s wrong, but I’m only 3/5ths sure.” — Patrick S. Tomlinson

Trump is going to kick off a ceremony at the Veterans Day Parade on Fifth Avenue today. He uses vets. He has fundraised off of them and today he’s showing up on Fifth Avenue to stick it to New Yorkers. In your face, New York! I dare you to boo me! You’d never boo veterans, right? RIGHT?

Presidents are always invited to participate in Veterans Day parades but they never accept because it would take the focus off of the veterans. Not Trump. Veterans Day is about him. He and the Third Lady will lay a ceremonial wreath but they won’t march in the parade because he’s too lazy and she can’t walk that far in 10” heels. But more than that, they don’t want to get booed. They’ll just show up for the photo op so he can use it in his campaign video.

“Trump today: ‘I could shoot somebody in the middle of 5th Avenue and Lindsey Graham would still be against impeachment.’” Al Franken

Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney has joined a lawsuit against Trump. Should he listen to his boss and not comply with a congressional subpoena or should he listen to Congress and testify against his boss?

Republicans are putting the whistleblower’s life and the lives of their family members in danger by trying to out them. This is mobster stuff.

Republicans are mobsters.

“We’ve reached the point where an entire political party is focused on terrorizing whistleblowers and their attorneys, fully aware that this endangers their families.” — Walter Shaub

Old timer Republicans who want to get away from the mob are politely retiring to spend more time with their families. Uber powerful, moderate Congressman Peter King from New York is calling it quits. He is not going to seek re-election because, well, the Republican party sucks and Trump is the president. He is retiring after 14 terms. At this rate, the only Republicans left will be the freedom caucus tea party kooks like Gym Jordan and Matt Gaetz.

Speaking of Republican kooks, Senator Marsha Blackburn from Tennessee is tweeting about Jesus. She said that a 3 year, coordinated effort has been underway to remove Trump from office — “Jesus warned us — watch out for the lawyers.” Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. You’re really not supposed to do that. Separation of church and state means leave Jesus at home when you report to work on behalf of all people in Tennessee in the US government and it also means leave Jesus out of it so kooks like you and what’s left of the Republican party can’t take over the government with your “God.”

Speaking of God, Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West wants to run for president. He’s never even voted and he just met Jesus. Those guys are the worst. Run away! Run! Run! NO DON’T!

Trump wants to start charging asylum seekers a fee to get into the country because that’s what Republican Jesus would do.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders can’t find a job. In the Hindu religion which Republicans never quote because it’s not the right religion, this is known as karma. Shit begets shit. What goes around comes around. You reap what you sow.

Hairy Krishna can’t save you now, Sarah, so don’t bother shaving your legs. You’re not going anywhere.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.