Russian Roulette

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJan 29, 2018

As Bob Mueller moves closer in on Trump for laundering Russian money and promising the Russians that he’d lift sanctions once elected, the pressure for Trump to act like a president is giving him the squeeze. He’s supposed to try and convince the country that he’s got everything under control during the State of the Union speech tomorrow night. He’s supposed to impose sanctions on Russia today. Trump missed the original deadline on October 1.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: The Republicans know about Trump being in deep shit over Russia and now they’re in deep shit because they know. So they created the Deep State. Every time they create a new conspiracy scandal, they pull the trigger on themselves. Pull! Woo! Phew! We didn’t die! We lucked out again! Again! Again! There’s a bullet in there somewhere. They can’t keep pulling forever.

According to the Steele dossier, the Kremlin has been feeding Trump dirt on Hillary and other opponents for several years. In exchange, he’s been feeding the Kremlin dirt on Russian oligarchs he’s been “doing business with” for at least 8 years. Trump officials had meetings with the Russians during the campaign and the transition. One of them was at Trump Tower in June 2016 (the one where they tried to make everybody believe that they were talking about poor orphans in Russia — which, come on……..Trump caring about poor people, or kids, or orphans?) In exchange for dirt on Hillary, Jared, Junior and Paul Manafort promised that they would consider lifting sanctions if Trump won.

As soon as he was elected Trump directed the state department to lift the sanctions on Russia and the state department said no. Trump didn’t expect that. He thought he was the boss.

Trump doesn’t understand why he can’t give orders to “my guys” at the “Trump Justice Department.” Those are my guys. They work for ME. Those are my guys!!

Trump hasn’t said a word about Alexey Navalny getting arrested in Russia. If he was a normal, good, effective and respected president, he’d have plenty to say about that.

If Trump could get away with it, he’d put everybody in jail who has ever pissed him off, made fun of him, or hurt his feeling.

The Hungarian police have had a warrant out for former Trump adviser Sebastian Gorka since September 17, 2016 for “firearm or ammunition abuse.” A deputy assistant to the president, working in the White House, was wanted by the police in another country for weapons charges, but nobody ever knew.

Mike Flynn promised Russia they’d lift the sanctions. Mike Pence “never knew.”

Jared Kushner still doesn’t have security clearance and everybody knows.

People read from Fire and Fury at the Grammys. Hillary was a hit. This pissed Nikki Haley off so much that she tweeted about it. She said that people who read from Fire and Fury ruined the Grammys because the book is trash. Nikki Haley trashed her career by getting into bed with white trash Trump. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Nobody is accusing Nikki Haley of actually sleeping with that fat pig.

The President of the United States trashes entertainers on Twitter when he should be working.

Fire and Fury is the best selling book in the world.

Trump will brag about how well rich people are doing (aka “the economy”) during his State of the Union. Oh, and how secure we are. And how we’re Number One. Americans will be boycotting his speech, the Democrats will frown in their seats, the Republicans will stomp and cheer, the pundits will gush over how well he did, and the Russians will laugh.

The theme for the latter part of this week is “very presidential” because the media will fall all over Trump for reading off a teleprompter without falling off the podium. The Republicans have carefully set the bar low to the ground and out of Trump’s way so he doesn’t trip over it. The bar is set at “act normal.”

Home Depot co-founder and rich old white man, Bernie Marcus, slammed Democrats on tax reform, saying they don’t have any brains. Democrats are following their brains to Lowe’s.

Steve Wynn resigned as RNC Finance Chair. The Republican reaction? Silence.

Four young adults were shot and killed at a car wash near Pittsburgh but it doesn’t matter. Nobody cares.

Russia has tougher gun laws than we do. People can get a permit for self defense or to hunt and shoot things for fun, but they can’t walk around in public with their guns hanging out. You have to go through a thorough background check and if you’re mentally ill, blind, or an addict, you can’t own a gun. You have to prove that you store your guns properly and you can’t own guns that shoot bursts or have magazines with more than a 10 cartridge capacity — stuff that most Americans who aren’t paranoid or controlled by the NRA actually want. The Russians are more civilized than we are when it comes to guns. Huh.

Carter Page? Pull! Roger Stone? Pull! Paul Manafort? Pull! Mike Flynn? Pull! Jared Kushner? Pull!

Ladies and gentlemen, the last bullet has left the barrel.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.