Say Anything

Spike Dolomite
4 min readApr 12, 2021

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Breaking! Some guy on the internet claimed that scientists were wrong and then Fox went ahead and proved it.

MAGAs, militia members, Nazis and nut jobs who are sitting in jail because they tried to take over the government and kill the Speaker of the House and Vice President are complaining about accommodations. They don’t like it, they don’t deserve it, the food sucks, they’re being treated like common criminals and they want to go home.

A 28 year old man from Texas who was at the Capitol on January 6 has been arrested and charged with plotting to blow up data centers that serve the federal government.

The Republiqans, the mainstream media, and Fox News are relentlessly hammering Joe Biden for not solving America’s decades old immigration problem and Trump’s obliteration of the Homeland Security Department in 83 days. They say he hasn’t done enough.

More creepy government employee news coming out of Florida: Eric M Lipman, general counsel for Florida Elections Commission, was arrested on 11 counts of child porn charges. The guy was also an officer for a nonprofit soccer league for kids 14–17.

A House panel has formed to look in to ethics violations by Matt Gaetz amid federal investigation into sex trafficking allegations. Well well well. You don’t say!

President Biden created a 180 day Supreme Court Commission to evaluate term limits for justices and the size of the court. Republiqans have a lot to say about this as well as the pressure to eliminate the filibuster. They keep keeping bringing up tradition (maintaining the status quo which is now tipped heavily in their favor into a long ago past that never really existed). That’s ironic because when our country was first founded the Supreme Court had 6 justices and there was no filibuster.

Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer, the one justice that nobody can remember, has spoken. He says that any proposals to restructure the court could damage its reputation as an apolitical body. Apolitical body? It needs to be restructured because of its reputation for being a political body.

Speaking of political bodies, Women for America First, a (white) ladies first club that helped organize the Stop the Steal rally, hosted an event at Trump Doral in Florida over the weekend where they invited Matt Gaetz to be the keynote speaker. It was like a Trump rally! He denied everything people were saying about him and accused the government of being out to get him. He quoted his idol Trump when he said, “They’re not coming for me, they’re coming for YOU.” The most ridiculous moment of the night was when he quoted Margaret Thatcher, “If you want something said, get a man. If you want something done HIRE a woman.”

Matt Gaetz actually said hire a woman at a Women for America First event while being under investigation for hiring women and girls to have sex with him.

Matt Gaetz, like his idol Trump, will say anything.

Trump issued a formal announcement on his shitty letterhead that Matt Gaetz never asked him for a pardon. He won’t take his calls. Trump has thrown Matt Gaetz under the Trump bus.

Trump got a chance to speak at his own fundraiser. People paid $400,000 a plate to listen to him bitch, blame and babble. He says Mitch McConnell a “dumb son of a bitch” and a “stone cold loser.”

Chris Christie is out there saying Joe Biden’s infrastructure plan is dumb. He actually faulted him for prioritizing bridges. The guy who closed a bridge during rush hour for political revenge and didn’t go to jail for it has something to say.

Black Army Lieutenant Caron Lazario has filed a lawsuit against police officers in Virginia for pulling their guns and pepper spraying him during a traffic stop back in December. He was in uniform and driving a brand new SUV. One of the officers choked his dog in the back seat who was sitting in a crate. They beat him on the ground after they cuffed and sprayed him. They didn’t give him a citation and told him he better not say anything to anybody about what they did.

Another black man was killed by a cop in Minneapolis while the Derek Chauvin trial was going on in the same city. 20 year Dante Wright was shot during a traffic stop. His mother was on the phone with him when it happened. The cops wouldn’t say anything to her and let her son lay in the street, dead, for 6 hours.

White Lives Matter rallies were planned in cities throughout the country this weekend. Not many people showed up. That’s saying something.

There aren’t as many of them as there are of us. Say it loud.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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