Schmucks, Has Beens, and Ha Ha
President Biden signed a $95 billion bill for aid to Ukraine, Israel and Taiwan and said that the US will begin sending equipment to Ukraine immediately. Apologies to Ukraine — it took so long because of the fucking Republicans. We’re not all schmucks. The Republican Party is beholden to Russia and has refused sending aid to Ukraine because they don’t want to make Putin mad and they want Russia to win the war.
Speaker Mike Johnson finally found his balls and defied the freedom caucus and put the aid vote to the floor and it passed, thanks to 210 Democrats and 101 Republicans who only found their balls after other Republicans showed them theirs first (112 still voted no). It passed the Senate and then President Biden signed it. Finally.
Kevin McCarthy didn’t have the balls to stand up to the freedom caucus and got fired anyway so now he’s an unemployed has-been schmuck. Ha ha.
Mitch McConnell shocked everybody by doing the right thing and calling Tucker Carlson out for starting the demonization of Ukraine. Tucker is a has-been now. McConnell said Carlson is where he should have been all along — interviewing Putin. Shocker. Too little too late dickhead. You’re still a turd.
Court is not in session today for Trump’s “boobs, boobs, boobs” trial because there is no court on Wednesdays. He ranted on Truth Social last night until 2 am after he presented a “Key to the White House” to the former prime minister of Japan at Trump Tower. Two has-beens pretending to be somebodies at the tackiest place on earth.
The Secret Service knows that Trump will continue to defy the gag order so they met to discuss how they’ll handle Trump if he has to go to jail.
Mitt Romney had a good one for a reporter who asked him to comment on the Trump trial: “I think everybody has made their own assessment of President Trump’s character, and so far as I know you don’t pay someone $130,000 not to have sex with you.” Mitt Romney is not a schmuck. He’s the only Republican with real guts and integrity. He had his moments where he groveled in front of Trump but he didn’t like himself for it and stopped. No hate for Mitt.
Republican Senator Susan Collins just made her 9,000 consecutive vote since 1997. She used to be a respected moderate Republican but she won’t be remembered that way. No applause for Susan. She’s a schmuck who should only get a participation trophy for her 9,000 consecutive votes because one of those votes was to acquit Trump after he was impeached because she thought he’d “learned his lesson.” Another one of her votes was a yes vote on Kavanaugh for the Supreme Court which led to the reversal of Roe v Wade which she used to support so she can take her participation trophy to the bank with her which is what she was going to do with it in the first place.
Former Republican congressman Adam Kinzinger, who is not a has-been because he left Congress with his head held high after serving on the Select Committee that investigated January 6, is surprised that Trump’s odor isn’t common knowledge since anybody who has ever been with him has known it for years. He describes Trump’s smell as a combination of ketchup, armpits, butt, and makeup. He doesn’t think it’s mean or petty to make fun of Trump for stinking because he would target an enemy for smelling that bad so he deserves a taste of his own medicine.
Has-been Mike Lindell came out with a new pillow — a US flag throw pillow. Ba da bump.
Has-been MAGA comic Rob Schneider got cut short during his set at a Republican event because he sucked so bad. The schmuck got fired while on stage. Ha ha.
