Scratch n Sniff and Hold Your Nose

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMay 22, 2019


The Dems in the House Judiciary Committee have had it and want to impeach. They’re challenging Nancy Pelosi to start impeachment inquiries, scratching at do it for the country.

Adam Schiff’s committee, the House Intelligence Committee, was supposed to hold Bill Barr in contempt today but Schiff backed off and said never mind because the DOJ said they’d give him a little bit more info — but just a little bit, if he agrees not to hold Barr in contempt. Sniff sniff. Trump and the DOJ beat the Dems again by “negotiating around a subpoena.” Is the public supposed to believe A) that will really happen B) that this is just another stall for time or C) that Adam Schiff is doing a slow dance with the DOJ and he sucks at it.

The Democrats are being bullied by Trump and Bill Barr. The two of them are in complete control. They’re John Travolta on the dance floor and the Democrats are the short fat dance partner waiting outside with rubbers in their hand, ready to make it with them.

What’s that smell?

The Senate confirmed millionaire Daniel Collins to the 9th District Court even though both senators from his home state objected. When asked if he thought Brown v Board of Education was decided correctly he wouldn’t answer. Daniel is not from Alabama. He is from CALIFORNIA! The stench has taken California by surprise.

And another right wing federal judge got rammed through by Mitch McConnell! Anti-abortion extremist Wendy Vitter. Her husband is a former senator from Louisiana who was part of the Washington DC madam prostitution scandal in 2007 where he admitted to a “serious sin” but it’s OK because God forgave him. He is now a lobbyist for the Russian oligarch, Oleg Deripaska, who is investing $200 million in an aluminum plant in Mitch McConnell’s state. That stinks to high hypocrite heaven.

“The corruption in the Trump WH is so overwhelming that sanctions lifted on Putin Oligarch for an aluminum plant in Kentucky lobbied for by sex scandled ex Senator to get his disgraced wife on Federal bench is just a blip. This shit must end!” — Rob Reiner

There was a primary election in Kentucky yesterday. Way more Democratic voters turned out to vote than Republicans which is a pretty good indicator that if Mitch McConnell wins in 2020 it’s not because more people voted for him. He’s scratched a lot of backs and he’ll expect a good back scratching in return come November.

After Trump tweeted that the big to-do with Deutsch Bank was a hoax because he’s so rich he doesn’t need banks, it was reported that he borrowed between $5 and $25 million in May 2018, WHILE PRESIDENT WHEN HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE DIVESTED FROM HIS BUSINESSES, from a small Florida bank, then appointed the CEO of that bank to be on the board of directors of the Miami branch of the Atlanta Federal Reserve. The stench can be smelt all the way to Washington DC but the Republicans are all pretending like it wasn’t Trump who farted.

Congresswoman Katie Porter asked HUD secretary Ben Carson about REOs — a basic term related to foreclosure — at a hearing yesterday. He thought she was talking about a chocolate sandwich cookie. She explained what an REO was and what his department does, and he just sat there like he smelled something funny. He had no idea what she was talking about. When Ayanna Pressley asked him questions he smirked and refused to answer her. Take a big fat whiff of this, Congress.

The House Judiciary has issued subpoenas for Trump’s former communications director, Hope Hicks, and Don McGahn’s former aide, Annie Donaldson. They’ll blow Congress off because subpoenas are for suckas.

Trump refuses to sign an infrastructure bill until the House ends its “phony investigations.” He took to the sweet smelling Rose Garden where the light is just right this morning to say he doesn’t do cover ups after Nancy Pelosi told the press she thinks he’s engaged in a cover up. He says that the Democrats are abusing their power. In other words, “I am not a crook.”

Don’t be surprised that if tomorrow he breaks into our normally scheduled programming for an announcement from the president of the United States live from the Oval Office to tell America that he is being investigated, audited, and ridiculed because he’s a Christian because when all else fails, pull the Jesus card.

“Pull my finger,” Trump said.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.