Sedition Caucus Update

Spike Dolomite
4 min readNov 2, 2021

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Marjorie Taylor Greene keeps refusing to wear a mask on the House floor and is up to $13,000 in fines that come out of her congressional paycheck.

Matt Gaetz has hired more sex crime super star attorneys to defend him against the litany of felony charges that are coming his way.

The American Dental Association has disassociated itself from wacko Paul Gosar, just like his own siblings have. Former patients are pondering what’s in their teeth.

Gym Jordan, the Ohio wrestling coach turned congressman who has been in office for 14 years and hasn’t had a single bill pass, is practicing his next moves. He’s been losing his matches with the press and members of Congress over his close relationship with Trump and his involvement in the insurrection. He doesn’t have much game these days. He’s scared he’ll be taken to the mat and thrown in jail.

Republican leaders Kevin McCarthy and Mitch McConnell are hanging really low. They’ve lost control of their caucus and have been forced to play defense which is their team’s biggest weakness. They’ve lost their offensive touch and aren’t even yelling that the Biden’s Build Back Better plan is going to raise taxes which it isn’t but that’s an easy one. All they have to do is tell their voters its socialism and they’re not even doing that. With the Affordable Care Act, they ran with all sorts of outrageous bullshit that their voters totally bought (remember death panels?) and never let the Dems get a word in edge wise. Now they’re hiding. Hiding from the press, from Trump, their constituents, and from each other.

Mo Brooks is out there calling the Build Back Better plan socialism but nobody is piling on. Republicans are staying away from him like Glenn Youngkin is staying away from Trump. They figure it’s best if they’re not seen with him since he’s one of the guys who egged the MAGA crowd on to charge the Capitol when he spoke at the Stop the Steal Rally on January 6.

Trump invited himself to the Atlanta Braves World Series game and waved to the crowd as Melania let it show all over her face that she hated his guts, hated being there and wanted to puke. He phoned in his MAGA stump speech for a tele-rally in Virginia to get MAGAs to get out and vote for Glenn Youngkin in Virginia today. Nobody in the Youngkin campaign wants to be seen with Trump. They just want his cult members to vote for him.

Lauren Boebert went as the puppy killer Cruella De Vil for Halloween certain that she’d get the first prize for her costume. Costume?

Tree punching, Naval Academy Lieutenant Commander wanna be, little boy Madison Cawthorn tweeted tough talk to patriot Adam Kinzinger who actually served in the military and isn’t running for re-election: RINO turncoats will keep falling. If you fight the MAGA agenda I will make it my life’s mission to primary the hell out of you & throw you out of Congress. Little Adam couldn’t stand up to his constituency’s anger & my endorsement of his opponent. Enjoy your CNN contract loser.

After Republican Governor Ron DeSantis let tens of thousands of people die of covid and accused Biden of trying to plunge people into destitution with vaccine mandates, “You are the one that’s being divisive about this!” and announced that he will “hopefully sign” legislation to provide $5,000 bonuses to police officers to relocate to Florida in order to avoid vaccine mandates, he said it’s a real shame that the covid vaccine has been politicized.

Josh Hawley gave the keynote speech at the National Conservatism Conference in Florida and said that liberalism has driven men to pornography and video games. He said it slowly and sadly, as if he was a normal person commenting on how many Americans die from gun violence and covid everyday. Josh is into porn.

Brett Kavanaugh and Amy Coney Barrett shocked everybody when they asked questions about state sanctioned vigilante justice regarding abortion providers in Texas. They’re concerned that if they side with Texas over states overturning federally protected constitutional rights that California and New York will do the same thing with guns and if there’s anything that Republicans love more than killing baby killers, it’s guns.

Chuck Grassley accidentally praised Biden for saving 2 billion lives in a tweet: Welcome 2 Pres Biden’s America where 10,000 pounds of fentanyl hv been seized by Customs & Border patrol so far this fiscal yr which is enough to kill over 2 billion ppl or more than 1/4 of the world’s population.

All of these guys were made possible by dumbing down the electorate, pumping up white nationalism, and making racism and hate cool again. The Tea Party gave rise to MAGA which gave rise to QAnon which will give rise to something way worse if people keep voting for Republicans.

It’s election day today in many states. Vote! FOR DEMOCRATS.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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