Seeing Red

Spike Dolomite
3 min readFeb 27, 2025

--

Elon emailed federal workers and told them to submit 5 things they did the prior week to show him whether or not they can justify keeping their jobs.

Elon relies on government contracts to be a billionaire. He gets taxpayer money without paying taxes.

DOGE claims that it is cutting massive fraud. The whole point is to try to assert that tons and tons of money can be saved and cut in the federal budget, in order to support the $4.5 TRILLION in tax cuts that the billionaires have been promised. Bloomberg News has calculated that DOGE has saved $11 per person so far. Massive fraud Uncle Sam’s ass.

DOGE says the government couldn’t cut all this waste before because the (nonexistent) deep state hid it from the public.

The Department of Education took down applications and loan forgiveness information from its website.

Governor Mills of Maine released a statement that said if Trump cuts federal funding to her state then her state will withhold its federal taxes from the feds.

Eggs are way more expensive now since Trump took office. MAGA blames Biden.

Kash Patel plans on prosecuting Alexander Vindman for leaking what was said about Ukraine in a private phone call that resulted in Trump getting impeached the first time.

After decades of precedent, Trump is insisting on choosing which reporters will get to cover him. He plans on suing journalists who use “anonymous” as sources in their reporting. He says he’s going to outlaw it.

Jeff Bezos is censoring opinion writers for the Washington Post. The only people who will get their opinions published will have opinions that agree with Jeff Bezos’s opinions.

Trump held his first cabinet meeting today. Elon was there even though he isn’t a member of the cabinet.

Trump is threatening to punish immigrants as young as 14 years old with criminal penalties, including jail time, if they fail to sign up for a government registry.

Democratic Congressman Maxwell Frost got cut off and threatened with removal by the Sergeant at Arms for calling Trump the “Grifter in Chief” and referring to Elon as “President Musk” during a committee hearing.

Trump wants to offer $5 million “gold cards” to rich foreigners looking for a path to U.S. citizenship.

Trump posted a vile AI video where the Gaza Strip is transformed into a playground for the rich, “Trump Gaza.” In it he’s flirting with belly dancers, people are throwing money in the air, Elon is pigging out on hummus, Trump and Bibi are lounging topless in the sun and there’s a gigantic gold statue of Trump. What does the free Palestine crowd think of their vote now? And what is the rest of the world thinking, particularly in the Middle East?

Republican state senator Shane Jett of Oklahoma backs a bill to ban school officials from using corporal punishment against disabled children, calling it “socialist” and a violation of scripture.

Republicans in the House passed a blueprint budget that totally guts Medicaid. Medicaid is where lots of MAGA babies come from. 80 million people depend on it. By getting rid of Medicaid, nursing homes will have to kick out residents, premature babies will die, hungry children will starve, and MAGAs will have to question their vote.

Foster kids rely on Medicaid.

Red states are the states most impacted by Medicaid.

House Republicans are in the position of cutting Biden’s big infrastructure law that brought more than $130 billion to red districts. Will they do it?

--

--

Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

Responses (9)